My sisters invited me to have Sunday dinner downstairs. I obliged. It was good food and laughs. After eating, I cleared the plates and then went upstairs again. My ankle was acting up and I wanted to put it up like I have it now. It sucks that I still can’t do stairs like I used to.
For the umpteenth time, I didn’t sleep well last night. I woke up in the early morning hours and then some how fell back to sleep around 7 or 8. I probably would have slept longer but my father called me, waking me up. I didn’t answer the first time, so of course, he called a second time. When I didn’t pick up (I really didn’t want to talk to him), my sister started calling me. That was it. I was up. I called him to find out what the hell was going on. He said he had a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. I told him he doesn’t as I canceled it. He asked why and I said because my foot hurts. It was a small lie. I really canceled it because they would be removing his mole and I would have to change his bandage every day until it healed. Fuck that. I wasn’t going to go over there every day, not when my suicidality is up. He would drive me to drink and then I would be in worse shape. I really despise my father and any time I have to deal with him is a hassle and a half.
I was on Twitter for most of the time last night and all that was talked about was the fight and the NFL draft. Boring. So I picked up a book to read, The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman. It has a good story line but feels empty, like it’s missing something. I will be giving my review after I finish reading it. I am already on chapter 4 and it is a short book. I should be done with it probably tomorrow. I had to read something. I hate not reading when I have nothing to do on the laptop anymore. I still haven’t found a game or even looked for a game on FB. It’s too soon. I also keep unfriending my gamer friends. Any time they post something, I unfriend. I feel bad doing so but we don’t know each other or have common interests other than the game we played. And now that I am not playing anything, why bother being friends. We don’t interact or talk. There have been some that do and those people I will keep as friends, but the others are going.
Baseball doesn’t start till late tonight. Game is either on Fox or ESPN, most likely ESPN and I hate watching games on that network. I probably will listen to the radio. I have no idea who is pitching tonight. I say the line up but for the life of me I cannot remember the pitcher. The lineup is the same as it was yesterday, only exception is that Nava is batting 7th instead of Holt. I don’t know if I am going to be up for most of the game. I am really starting to feel tired and I had my coffee later than I usually have it today because I woke up so late. I am glad I don’t have anything to do tomorrow so hopefully I will just have another day of rest. If I feel inclined to go out, I will but it all depends on how I feel and how much sleep I get.
I think I am going to take a shower tonight, before the game. It might calm down some of the pain that I am having in my foot, or at least, distract it for a while. I know I took a shower yesterday but I just feel “dirty” for some reason.
My mood has been low today. I keep wishing I was dead. I just don’t want to live anymore. Nothing makes me happy. It will be Mother’s day next week and I have no idea what to get my mother. I thought about getting her a card thanking her for all she does for me, but then she pissed me off today calling me names. The worse part is that she keeps on calling me “miss” and it is driving me nuts. I am not a “MISS”! I fricken hate my mother so why should I pretend to be nice to her for one fricken day of the year when she treats me so poorly emotionally?? It just infuriates me and makes me feel worse than what I already feel.
midnightdemons7 