As I have my sister’s car while she is away, I took my mother grocery shopping this afternoon. We had lunch afterwards. My ankle wasn’t happy when I woke up this morning but because I am driving, I can’t take my pain meds. I need to pick up my niece in a few hours and really would love just one pain pill. But I just can’t. Her father called and said he will be late tonight because he has an errand to do for my father.
Last night as I was having a difficult time sleeping, I wrote another depressing letter to my therapist. It was another goodbye but thank you letter. It was contradictory to say the least. I am glad I went to sleep before I wrote a similar one to my psychiatrist. If I sent that to her, I think it wouldn’t go too well. I don’t know why I was writing the letter. I guess I had to get things off my chest. The midnight demons were really out. I didn’t get to sleep until around 0200. I took my meds later than I usually do, though I had taken my pain meds around 20:00. I really am glad my therapist doesn’t have email. I would be sending her the most awful letters. But that is what pain mixed with no sleep get me. It brings out the dark side of myself.
Psychosis wise I am doing better. I think the delusions have shrunk a little and I am not so paranoid as I was before. My psychiatrist got back to me late last night and asked how I was. I told her I was still delusional but managing. I haven’t heard from her today. It just sucks because I never know if the psychosis is going to land me in the hospital or not. The only thing that would force the issue would be if the voices were telling me to harm myself. As long as they aren’t commanding, I can deal with them. But it’s a fine line. Sometimes I want the safety of the hospital so that nothing does happen but then I get drugged up pretty good. Or my meds get played with. And I hate that.
I wish I could say I slept late but my mother and brother in law called me around 0830 so I only got around six and a half hours of sleep. It would have been nice to have slept longer. I don’t know why my mother didn’t just call me later in the morning. She knows that I get up late. My brother in law was concerned because apparently I left my sister’s car open. Why he couldn’t lock the car manually, I have no idea. Every one depends on the clickers these days.
Temps are dropping tonight and I am glad. I can’t stand the hot weather. I like wearing shorts but I hate sweating. I don’t know what the weather is going to be this coming week. As long as it’s in the 50s I will be happy. I checked my bank account and for some reason one purchase I made yesterday still hasn’t posted to my account. I hate when that happens.
midnightdemons7 