Today is Father’s Day so to all the fathers reading this blog, Happy Father’s Day to you.
I didn’t celebrate with my father today. I was in too much pain and had an awful night sleeping. I woke up in the early morning and didn’t go back to sleep until around 5ish. I was done for the day and it just started. I haven’t even called my father to wish him a Happy Father’s Day, but oh well. I really don’t care.
My mood has been in the dumps. Being in pain is no fun. I am still full from yesterday’s meal and the little I did eat today, didn’t help my stomach. I feel nauseous at times and feel really bloated. My mood is so sour, like my stomach, that I feel like doing something to harm myself. I just want to sleep and I can’t. I have been having fleeting fantasies of what I would do but I just cannot act on it. I plan on taking my meds early tonight and hopefully go back to sleep, once I get some Ativan on board.
Pain is driving me crazy. Ankle and foot both hurt. I think walking in the sand while we were on the beach last night did something to my ankle, even though I didn’t feel anything unusual. I know that it is just that I have done too much in the last few days that caused a flare up. I feel like I have been popping pain pills all day but I really haven’t. I have just taken two since waking up around 1330. I just feel so tired because my sleep was interrupted.
I missed chat today. I was listening to the ball game and lost track of time. Usually, I am on Twitter while listening, but today I wasn’t. I really haven’t been on the laptop that much today. I just have been lying down, trying to get back to sleep and failing miserably. I still need to get back to my pdoc about how I am doing. She wrote to me yesterday about how much she liked one of my blogs. I still haven’t thanked her for it.
My former therapist that I sent my book to wrote to me a nice letter back. She was honored to get the signed book. She wishes that I wasn’t in so much pain all the time. She read my book and thinks its wonderful. I was extremely hesitant to open the letter. I was going to wait till I saw my therapist on Tuesday but then I realized that was being silly. She looks forward to my next book. I will have to send her out a card telling her it is out, when I do publish it. Now I have more people that want my second book. This is putting more pressure on me because I still am having trouble coming up with new stuff to write. And I still have to edit what I have. I am hoping that by editing it, I can add to it, not only change a word here or there or take one out. Oh the joys of editing!
It’s been a struggle to write something. My blog tends to be easier because I write off the top of my head and don’t stick with a topic or idea. I am usually all over the place but sometimes I stay on with what I am talking about. I am still thinking about writing the idea of the aliens and the militant group but I don’t know if I will get far with it. I don’t have much creativity. It’s slowly got lost over the years. I guess if I wrote bullshit, it would be easier to write, I think. But then I am not being honest and that is not good.
midnightdemons7 