Relieved

Relieved

I emailed the editor that I have been in contact with for the New York Times piece to see if he can remove the inappropriate comments that were posted. He agreed with me and apologized. Hopefully they will be removed sometime today. I am so relieved, I feel like crying. The whole experience has me guessing who my friends are. I unfriended a few “long time” friends as they rarely like or say anything on my posts, at all. And the person I thought was “IamBoston” has definitely been unfriended.

I had therapy today. All we did was talk about how the comments were troubling me, from being diagnosed to inappropriate diagnoses, to my therapist being picked on. Then to get the same kind of comments on Twitter. It was like I couldn’t get away from someone’s criticism. It was very stressful. But thankfully it looks like the comments have slowed or stopped. I just hope they have a new article so my article isn’t the first one people see when they go to that section. I still am trying my best to revel in the joy of having this published in the NYT but the depression has kicked in and made it impossible to. I feel proud about this accomplishment. Never in my life would I have thought it possible to be in the NYT or any newspaper for that matter. I thought about calling my home town paper to tell them, but I don’t want to go through what I just went through. I really don’t want an interview of any sort. So I didn’t call. I think my manic tendencies were pushing those thoughts. Now that those have abated and I am in a depressed state. I am thinking a little clearer and rationally. But I got to wonder if my hypomanic tendency was the push I needed to get my piece published in the NYT. If that is the case, then my episode lasted longer than I thought it did. Today I am not feeling so sluggish, though I did wake up very early a couple of times during the night. I seemed to wake up, turn the laptop on, stay on for a half hour or so and then go back to sleep. This went on several times during the night. I finally woke up around 0600 and stayed up enough to have a bowl of cereal. I went back to sleep and would have slept through till 1100 but my fricken mother kept calling me, waking me up from my slumber. She wanted me to put the chicken she was defrosting in the fridge. Like she couldn’t leave a damn message with that information! That is why people have things called voicemail. UGH. I told her I wasn’t going out. Then when she sees me after I had my therapy appointment, she says “You’re home”? I swear she doesn’t listen at all. Pisses me off.

So my interrupted sleep was further interrupted by a deaf mother who doesn’t know how voicemails work. I just had coffee so I am a little energized. And I checked the comments from the NYT. They have been removed. I can breathe a huge sigh of relief. And hopefully, I have seen the last of the other troll on my blog. She sent me what I hope is her last message. Now I hope I just have good comments that are constructive criticism and not negative. Someone that keeps their name hidden and provides inaccurate contact information, to me is a troll. I could never respond to this person because of the incorrect information she provided. I guess it is better that way, because who knows what other crap she might come up with.

The hardest part about all this is that I have neglected my reading because my concentration has not been so great. I was reading a book about bipolar disorder last night and I really had no idea what I read by the time I finished the chapter. I know they were talking about ECT and how successful it can be, but other than that, I don’t remember too much else. I know they did talk about TMS (Transcranial magnetic stimulation), but again, I don’t remember specifics. I know TMS just got approved by the FDA for the treatment of depression recently, but I don’t know if it is approved for bipolar depression as well. I also don’t know if it is covered by insurance. I have been tracking this treatment for a while but getting into a study has been difficult because you can’t be on medication. I don’t know if that requirement has changed. When I see my psychiatrist tomorrow, I will ask her about it. It is something I have been wanting to talk to her about for a while now but never had the nerve to bring up. We always seem to ride out the depressions but I am wondering if something can now be done rather than waiting for it to pass. No medication seems to work for my depressions and my mood stabilizer just seems to keep the psychache at bay more than anything.