Day in the ER

I will be admitted. I have been here since 0730. Took 4 hours to be seen by psychiatry. Then another three for them to tell me I should be transferred around 2000. I got to take my ocp at that time. I will take it a little earlier before the ambulance comes to take me.

I am feeling depressed. A gentleman came in looking like my father did the last 3 weeks of his life. I’m just glad they put him in a room. It was distressing me.

I had lunch, which was turkey and mashed potatoes with carmelized onions with some squash. I didn’t like the squash. It was the only thing I ate all day aside from my large coffee.

I have been watching channel 5 all fucking day. If I hear one more thing about the stabbing that happened last night, I’m putting my headphones in. I have heard it for 8 fucking hours. Enough!

I hope I get dinner. I’m getting hungry again. But I can do without.

I had a good conversation with another pt. We both have been here for a long time. I gave her my card so we can keep in touch.

I am so exhausted from doing nothing. I’ve been up since 6 and left the house shortly there after. Been at the hospital for almost 12 hours. I know I’m not going to the floor till midnight or so. I doubt I’ll get my night meds tonight.

It kind of stinks that I really didn’t talk about my depression during the evaluation. My psychiatrist filled them in and I just confirmed what she said.

Its killing me to be called her and she. I know I should be used to it but it still bothers me.

2 thoughts on “Day in the ER

  1. 'Legato.'

    I hope that you get the help you need, and that the place is halfway decent. I admitted myself to a hospital in Harlem nearly 10 years ago cos i thought about jumping down a long stairwell to end the sadness, and the hospital sucked. a basement, very few windows, 24/7 florescent lights (= no sleep), only one channel on and no internet. I wanted to kill myself more in there than outside!

    I’d been thinking about suicide today myself. My heart has been erratic, and apart from seeing my daughter happy, I ask myself, ‘what’s the point?’ Then I get hungry and remember the pleasure of NOT having hunger pains. :/

    I don’t really have too many close friends to socialize with in person, so wordpress sorta helps. i think much of my displeasure stems in not being patient enough to realize my dreams of a simple, quiet life which may take years to manifest. It’s hard to see past the next two months, honestly. But enough of me. Please continue to write. I get a lil’ hype when I see that you’re still kicking around, that you want to live. It makes me want to live a bit more too, I really mean that from the bottom of my heart. take care. 🎶

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