Day in the ER

I will be admitted. I have been here since 0730. Took 4 hours to be seen by psychiatry. Then another three for them to tell me I should be transferred around 2000. I got to take my ocp at that time. I will take it a little earlier before the ambulance comes to take me.

I am feeling depressed. A gentleman came in looking like my father did the last 3 weeks of his life. I’m just glad they put him in a room. It was distressing me.

I had lunch, which was turkey and mashed potatoes with carmelized onions with some squash. I didn’t like the squash. It was the only thing I ate all day aside from my large coffee.

I have been watching channel 5 all fucking day. If I hear one more thing about the stabbing that happened last night, I’m putting my headphones in. I have heard it for 8 fucking hours. Enough!

I hope I get dinner. I’m getting hungry again. But I can do without.

I had a good conversation with another pt. We both have been here for a long time. I gave her my card so we can keep in touch.

I am so exhausted from doing nothing. I’ve been up since 6 and left the house shortly there after. Been at the hospital for almost 12 hours. I know I’m not going to the floor till midnight or so. I doubt I’ll get my night meds tonight.

It kind of stinks that I really didn’t talk about my depression during the evaluation. My psychiatrist filled them in and I just confirmed what she said.

Its killing me to be called her and she. I know I should be used to it but it still bothers me.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

2 thoughts on “Day in the ER”

  1. I hope that you get the help you need, and that the place is halfway decent. I admitted myself to a hospital in Harlem nearly 10 years ago cos i thought about jumping down a long stairwell to end the sadness, and the hospital sucked. a basement, very few windows, 24/7 florescent lights (= no sleep), only one channel on and no internet. I wanted to kill myself more in there than outside!

    I’d been thinking about suicide today myself. My heart has been erratic, and apart from seeing my daughter happy, I ask myself, ‘what’s the point?’ Then I get hungry and remember the pleasure of NOT having hunger pains. :/

    I don’t really have too many close friends to socialize with in person, so wordpress sorta helps. i think much of my displeasure stems in not being patient enough to realize my dreams of a simple, quiet life which may take years to manifest. It’s hard to see past the next two months, honestly. But enough of me. Please continue to write. I get a lil’ hype when I see that you’re still kicking around, that you want to live. It makes me want to live a bit more too, I really mean that from the bottom of my heart. take care. 🎶

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