Random thoughts on hospitalization
I have been doing a lot of thinking the past couple of hours. I don’t know if I will end up in the hospital that I want and might end up at a hospital I was at 15 years ago, before I was diagnosed with cauda equina syndrome. The hospital there was a good place. I got the help that I needed. But I wasn’t taking narcotic pain medication at the time. I hope that they will allow me to take my pain meds.
I also hope they will allow me to take my own OCP. Without these pills I will be screwed and I will have my menses messed up. Most places will allow it and I brought an unused pack with me. I have to remember to bring my charger and my journal because the journal has my medication list in it.
I wrote my mother a little note saying where I was and not to call me because I might not have access to my cell phone while in the ER or on the unit. If I am at the unit I was before, it won’t be a problem. But if I am at the other hospital, I don’t know what their policy is as I haven’t been there in 15 years.
I am very tired. But it’s still kind of “early”. I am afraid that if I go to sleep now, I will wake up before my alarm. I am also hungry but I don’t know what to eat. I probably will just fall asleep anyways so I don’t need food.
I want to email my psychiatrist about going in the hospital ED and whether I will have access to my cell phone or not. I will find out soon enough. This is so hard. I know it needs to be done but the anxiety surrounding it is tremendous. I got to remember to wear my slip on boots and not my sneakers because I don’t want them to remove the shoelaces. I hope they allow me to have my headphones. It will suck not being able to listen to music.