feeling the way I do…

Feeling the way I do…

I had a busy morning. I woke up later than I wanted to so I didn’t go to the pharmacy early to pick up my meds. I had just enough time to make a cup of coffee then catch the bus to the train station for my appointment with my pcp. I was nervous as the first two times I saw her I was in a catatonic state. It went well. I met the nurse I have been conversing with via the patient website messages. I had met her while I was catatonic but didn’t remember her name. I also met the new medical assistant in the clinic. It was surreal as they remember when I was sick and not in the right mind. My pcp changed my blood pressure medication and I hope I don’t go into tachycardia because I am coming off the medication I had overdosed on. I am okay with this but am worried my blood pressure is going to be high the next few days as I adjust to the new medication. We also talked about top surgery and she will be contacting the surgeon’s office to move up the appointment once my blood pressure is better controlled. The last thing we discussed was going to PT to get reconditioned again as I am so out of shape. I get so easily out of breath and fatigued. I had to come home after the appointment because I am tired. I am going to take the Uber to the pharmacy that is a few towns over as I don’t think I can take public transportation right now. I am so fatigued.

I had Starbucks. I ordered my mocha and a sandwich for lunch. I didn’t make breakfast this morning because I was pressed for time. It took me forever to walk the couple of blocks back to the station. The escalator was out of service at the station so I had to take the elevator to the platform. I was so tired but I had to go to the pharmacy to get my new meds. I still have to go to the other pharmacy to get my psych meds. This will be the last time going there as I am switching to the pharmacy in the Square so it is more convenient for me and I can go to Starbucks after or before to get my caffeine fix.

It was weird walking around the hospital where I was hospitalized for two months. They had construction going on in front of the building I had to go to. They had knocked down the school that was there for at least 100 years. The whole block was blocked off and detoured. I had to walk further than I wanted to because of this. I had to get my glasses adjusted after the pcp appointment. I just felt like it took forever to get where I was going. I kept having to stop to catch my breath. I hope PT helps me and I see the PT I used to work with. I have a good relationship with her.

My baby sister called me. She is going to have her husband pick up my meds as he will be in the town it is in. I don’t have to go out again. I am so relieved. I don’t have to go out tomorrow. I just have three things to do: see the visiting nurse and my therapist and take my T shot. I also need to take my blood pressure. I need to record the readings for the next week or so for my pcp. She is monitoring me closely.

I have no idea what I want to have for dinner. I didn’t order more frozen dinners with my latest grocery order. I kind of forgot to. I just ordered deli meat and American cheese. I might make an egg and cheese burrito. It has been a very long time since I had that as a meal.

I am so fricken tired. I hope I sleep tonight. I have had bouts of insomnia since coming home from the hospital because I don’t have anything I can take for anxiety. I need to ask my psychiatrist on Thursday for some Ativan as I don’t have it. I hope he will give it to me. It really helps me.

any thoughts?

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