Category: depression

I’m a mess

I woke up from dreaming a few times during the night and into the morning with severe headaches. They only seemed to last a few minutes but damn, it was painful. I got up around 1045. I planned on bringing my barber the casserole and then picking up my prescriptions. I also got a cold brew with sweet cream from Starbucks as a treat. Soon as I left the house, my right ankle/foot flared up. I don’t know what is wrong with it. It got better by the time I got to the bus stop. A person from the department of mental health called me while I was waiting. They had a question about my name as MassHealth had my deadname. I didn’t even know I had MassHealth. I tried getting the phone number for them to call and find out about it but couldn’t get a number. When I got to the Square, I dropped off the food and then went to Starbucks to get my drink. I sat and called MassHealth and found out my account is inactive. I would have to call SNAP and get it activated. I have no idea why I have to go through the food assistance program so I said yeah I will call them and hung up. I went to pick up my prescriptions. As I stood up my knees hurt in the same place. I swear I am a mess. Like WTF. It was really muggy today and I was sweating. I have no idea if it is going to rain or not as it is cloudy.

The bus arrived soon as I got to the station. I wanted to put money on my card but I only had a twenty and I didn’t want to put that much on so I just tapped my card and sat down. Walking home was hard as my foot flared up again. I was tired by the time I reached home. I sat on my porch for a bit before going upstairs. No one was home and I hated to hear the silence again. I finished my coffee and then heated some of the casserole for lunch. I still have two containers of it. It will be lunch for the week. It is so good reheated.

I feel a little better than I did yesterday. My side cramped up on me again while moving. I have no idea why. I took some Robaxin for the pain. I think I might have to take it around the clock for a few days to get some relief. I don’t know if I am going to go out tomorrow to go to my pcp’s office to drop off the books I bought. I still have a cab voucher I can use. I might do that and then walk to the station. I’m in no hurry.

Sox got blasted last night. The manager left a rookie relief pitcher in for two innings and he got shelled. He kept walking batters or hitting them. Ugh so pathetic. My cousin, who is doom and gloom, said that they aren’t going to make the playoffs as they need like 90 wins. We are like 5 games behind in the wild card. I still think there was a chance but after last night’s disaster, I am reconsidering.

Long day for one recipe

I wanted to make chicken broccoli casserole so I had my cousin take me to the grocery store this morning. I woke up and had a cup of coffee. I had a headache but it went away without me having to take something for it. I was tired but determined to make this. I bought what I needed and then came home.

I cooked the chicken and then let it cool. My niece put it in the fridge. I shredded it up as I made the broccoli. I swear this recipe called for like two hours but it damn near took all afternoon. After I cooked the broccoli, I made the rice using the same water. I didn’t want to have a lot of pans to clean. As the rice was cooking, I prepared the chicken mixture. It was hard to get a cup of sour cream and half a cup of mayonnaise measured and then out of the measuring cup. I then got the cheese and loaded it up. When the rice was done, I just poured it in the baking dish. Then layered the broccoli and chicken mix. I topped if off with cheese and then popped it in the oven. I waited until it was done. I was so tired, I didn’t eat it right away. I went up to my room to rest. I kept doing this until things were done. I had so much leftover. I plan on bringing some to my barber.

My toner came for my printer. I just need to put it in. I am in no rush. I don’t want to go to therapy tomorrow. I might cancel. I don’t know if I am going to be up by 11 tomorrow morning. I thought I had Shania Twain’s Come on Over CD but I don’t. I had it once upon a time but no longer do. I had a burned copy but for some reason it won’t play. Figures. She has just came out with a Diamond version but it is too expensive for me. I just bought the regular one. I think this album is her finest work.

The album has the first song that I ever wanted to be for my wedding if I ever got married. Now I listen to it and I just think of my first love. The whole album was ours. It hurts to listen to some of the songs as they bring back memories. My ex wanted to get back with me but I blocked her on FB. She just wants me for one thing. I still love her but that is all that remains of our relationship. It isn’t enough anymore.

I couldn’t sleep last night so I took a shower around 145am. It didn’t help. I was still up for a few hours. I am becoming insomniac again. Not good because it makes my mood so terrible. I can get by with at least five hours of sleep a night but it is hard. I avoided reading because the last time I read the suicidology book, it filled me with ideas. I still need to find the book I bought last year. I have no idea where in my room it is. It seems my sister did some messing around and I don’t know if my books got moved. So frustrating.