Category: depression

Well today didn’t go as planned. I was up half the night with shoulder pain. I ended up sleeping through my first appt of the day. I ended up emailing the researcher saying I wasn’t coming. I stayed in bed till 1130 and then had coffee and my pumpkin loaf that I bought yesterday but didn’t eat. After that I went to bed and stayed in bed. I snoozed a bit and skipped PT. I just didn’t feel like going. PT messaged me about scheduling another appt for the week so will call tomorrow to see if that is possible.

I have groceries to be delivered tomorrow mid-morning. That is good as I am out of Gatorade. I mixed a bottle with the powder stuff I have. I accidentally just spilled it on myself and the bed. Great. I am going back to bed now.

Ortho and therapy

I have been up since 0400. I woke up to pee and just decided to stay up as I knew going back to bed would be exhausting. I had my coffee and breakfast around 5am. I thought I would see the sunrise but it was cloudy and rainy so I didn’t.

I took an Uber to the hospital because it was cold and rainy out, plus I snoozed and it was too late to take the bus. My appointment went well. I can do light activities and can lift no more than 10 lbs. I can finally lift my 5 lb weights that I bought. I am so excited. I haven’t gotten them out yet but I probably will tomorrow after my appointment with the oral surgeon.

After ortho, I went shopping. I bought some American cheese as we were out. Then I went to Starbucks to have a latte. It was so good. I came home and put the stuff away. Then went up to my room and had an argument with the uro department about UTIs. The nurse was not helpful and I said I wanted my NP’s opinion on the matter. They told me she would be in on Wed. I said fine, I wasn’t looking for an urgent answer. The question was non urgent so why they felt like they had to respond to my inquiry is beyond me.

I then had therapy and exploded to her about the situation with uro, my bladder, and being suicidal. I didn’t tell her what I was planning on doing. I just couldn’t. She wants me to reach out to my friends on Twitter. I told her I would. I haven’t reached out to anyone yet. I really don’t think people will understand what I am going through.

After therapy, I had leftover pizza for dinner. My mother was using an air fryer to make her dinner on the encouragement of my sister. I don’t know who got the thing but it is small. My mother didn’t like it because the food was hard and she couldn’t eat it. I knew she would find something wrong with the thing.

I got to be up early tomorrow for my oral surgery eval. I am kind of scared. I still don’t know if I will go through with it. I am of the mentality if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Sunday blog 05122021

Yesterday was a bad day. I wasn’t feeling well mentally so I stayed in bed all day and slept. I only got up in the morning to have my habit coffee cup and a bowl of cereal. It was the only thing I ate all day. I woke up two times during the night. I don’t think I took my two bladder pills at 4 like I was supposed to. I didn’t care. One of those pills is very constipating and I still haven’t moved my bowels until today.

I need to shower today. I also want to trim my beard and shave my head. My beard is very scraggly.

I am very tired today. I have a busy week. Tomorrow I see ortho for my shoulder and then I have therapy. Tues I see an oral surgeon for consult for my wisdom teeth. Then I have to get my blood drawn for the research study I am in. This is in the morning then in the afternoon I have PT. Wed I will try and get my groceries delivered. They are still working on my front porch so I don’t want them delivered just yet. They should be finished working by then, as long as it doesn’t rain.

I have had Taylor’s songs running through my head all day. Mostly, they have been her new songs. I might switch to Mary Chapin Carpenter’s Christmas album next week. I haven’t heard her in a long time. My birthday is in 18 days. I was thinking of getting filet mignon for the family but those steaks are wicked expensive. The butcher might have them cheaper than the grocery store. I have to look. I also need to get more American cheese as we used our last package. My mother is a mouse as she eats a lot of it.

My sister called me asshole again today for something her son did. I am so sick of her blaming for things he does. Pisses me off.