Yes, my baby has been returned to me and she appears all well and good! I got the delivery just before 1. Now I have a decision to make regarding the hospital, should I go in now or tomorrow. I still am feeling edgy, though the psychosis seems to be lessening. I just don’t feel right. Maybe talking with someone will help and being in the ER environment sometimes is enough to get me back to where I need to be. If I just pack a few clothes in my back pack and stuff, I might just look like I am going in to talk. If I do get hospitalized at least I have my larger bad packed and my sister can give it to me. But then I will be dependent on her and I hate that. I just know that if I carry all my stuff they will talk me into the hospital where as if I just carry light, I might not.
I hate these decisions and I know that it just comes down to me. I just hate when it always falls on my shoulders. I feel is so much responsibility and I just can’t bare it. I would love a ride to the hospital as that would make it easier than taking public transportation. I just wish I knew what to do. I just called my therapist. I already texted her but she doesn’t always respond right away. I would page my pdoc but she would just leave the decision making to me. I know what to say to get admitted and what not to say. Thing is, being psychotic never bodes well for just saying hi and bye. I am really struggling with myself and I don’t like it. It’s like I am drowning and every time I come up for air, I get pulled back down.
I really hope my therapist has a session today. Then maybe we can talk and tomorrow morning I can just go in without worrying about canceling my appointment with her.
midnightdemons7 