I can’t say that I am having a good day today. I woke up wicked early today, again, after only sleeping a few hours. I was able to get in a little nap after my therapy appointment.
I still am not looking forward to tomorrow. Just the thought of spending all day at the doctor’s office is driving me nuts. And what is worse is I know my father will make it worse. You can read because he has to aggravate you so no use bringing a book. Sometimes I can get away with doing stuff on my phone but that entertainment only lasts for so long before I get bored. And the thing is I get to deal with him not only tomorrow but three days next week, My birthday, Christmas eve, and Christmas Day. I really hate next week.
Sadly, my menses have returned. It’s partially my fault as I forgot to refill the prescription until Monday. Next time I won’t throw away the package like I did last time and it will serve as a reminder for me. I usually am able to remember but I am human and forget. I just hope this stuff doesn’t last long as I hate wearing female underwear. It is totally irritating me. I so wish you can wear feminine products in boxers but you can’t. This isn’t going to go well with my psychiatrist Friday. But there is nothing I can do. I missed a pill. Got to pay the consequences. It still sucks.
I don’t remember what I talked about with my therapist, just that the session seemed to go on forever. I was medicated with pain meds so my brain was foggy. My ankle bone has been hurting me all day. I know we talked about the blog I wrote yesterday. She laughed at the part where I called her fungus. I think she might have taken a little offense to it but didn’t want to show it. I volunteered to edit it but she said that it was my creativeness and to let it be. She also received my packet of letters I sent her last week but hasn’t read them yet. Those are some dire letters she has. It was during my wicked down week. I think we also talked about commitment to living statement but I am not sure. I know I sent her a copy of the example but I didn’t mean for it to be taken as I am putting it in effect. We have to discuss the parameters before I can do that. She wanted my signature on the paper. She is nuts. I am not going to sign something that I didn’t agree to. That is just dumb.
We also talked about my suicidality in the blog. She is surprised I was able to write such a thing after I sent her a wicked nasty text saying I had enough, that I was going to kill myself the next day. I wonder what my psychiatrist thinks of my blog I wrote yesterday. I haven’t heard from her. That either means she read it and didn’t respond or she hasn’t gotten to it yet. Sometimes I can email her and she will respond right away and other times it takes her a while. I also sent the blog to a friend of mine but haven’t heard back from him either. It is so frustrating to send out something so personal and yet get no response.
I seem to be having one week up and then one week down. I don’t like this. Soon it will be a daily event where I cycle. I am not terribly up, like manic up, but when I am down, I am down for the count. I don’t want to do anything. I haven’t left my house all week. I can’t even tell you what day I did leave the house. I think it was Saturday before the snow storm to get some chicken patties so I could make a sandwich. That was it. To the grocery store and back. I did make a short trip to Walgreens to get my prescription on Monday. But other than that, I haven’t really left the house for anything. It’s been too cold and icy out. I can’t risk spraining my ankle. And we got more snow last night so I didn’t venture out today. I will have to go out tomorrow. I set my alarm for 7 as I need to leave the house by 8:30. I hope I don’t have a late night like I did last night. I didn’t go to bed till after 2 am and still woke up at fricken 7. I hate that.
midnightdemons7 