I had trouble sleeping last night. I woke up from a bad dream at 4 am and took a while to get back to sleep. Then I slept for a few hours before waking up around 8. It’s snowing out so I won’t be going out today or tomorrow as tomorrow is going to freeze. Thing that sucks is that I won’t be seeing my primary as they have closed the office and I won’t be seeing him for another few weeks. This totally sucks. Now I have to wait for my prescription by mail because I couldn’t get it in person. I just hope that I can ration out my remaining pain meds until then.
My ankle is really hurting today and when I lift it up on my toes, my whole leg start jiggling. I know it is a new nerve problem but I want to see what my primary says before I run off to the neurologist. My luck, they will want a demonstration and it won’t happen.
I haven’t made any of the phone calls that I need to today. I am just being lazy. I need to take a shower but my ankle is hurting so I will put that off for today as well. Maybe if the pain meds quiet it down I will take the shower.
I got a good email from my neurologist. I had emailed her one of my blogs and she said that I am an amazing writer. I had to text my therapist that.
Speaking of therapist, I had my session with her today. I am feeling really upbeat today for some reason. But I keep feeling like it is going to end soon so I am trying not to keep my hopes up that this feeling will last. I was very happy to talk to her today. I told her about the author Konrad Michel’s email exchange. She thinks I am rubbing elbows with the suicide people of the world. I told her that is crazy, that I am just emailing him out of courtesy so that in case someone reads my book and they go to him about it, he knows. I don’t want to get sued over it or feel like I am plagiarizing his work. Most of it is in my own words and I did quote what I needed to. I just don’t think one email constitutes knowing a person to rub elbows with them. I also told her about the anhedonia that I have been feeling. Nothing seems to be good as it was with me. Nothing tastes good. I don’t feel pleasure in eating my favorite foods. I have been trying to snap out of it but it is difficult. Even though I felt sort of upbeat today, it kind of wore off and I am back to my normal restrained self. It sucks when you are in this type of depression. I am really surprised I am not thinking about ending my life. I guess I have really turned a corner and don’t go to that place that often anymore.
I just took a picture of the snow outside for a friend that wanted to see how much we got. I think it’s hysterical that some of my friends that live in warmer states like Arizona and California don’t see as much snow as the New England states do.
My eyesight is not getting better. I am hoping to make an appointment with the ophthalmology people soon. My vision keeps going in an out with blurringness. It is really frustrating as I got to really focus my eye to keep them focused on things. It is a pain when I try to read or play on my laptop or even write a blog.
I can’t wait for tomorrow night. The OSU game is playing. I have been looking forward to it. I just hope I can stay up and watch it. I don’t do so well with night games. Maybe I will try and take a nap like I have been trying to the last few hours and I will be rested enough to stay up. But the trick is not to wake up before 9 am. My mother has been waking me up every single morning for the past week and she is always up around 8. And she puts on the tea kettle and doesn’t shut it off right away. Annoys the crap out of me.
midnightdemons7 