About being a Suicide Attempt Survivor

About being a Suicide Attempt Survivor

A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog about how it was shameful to me being called a suicide attempt survivor. Though it wasn’t hurtful, it was more embarrassing. I think it was because there is great shame in dealing with suicide as everyone has an opinion, good or bad, on the topic.

Those feelings have changed since I published my book and the American Association of Suicidology approved a new division on suicide attempt survivors. I feel like I don’t have to hang my head in shame anymore, that I can be free to express my suicidality and not be shunned. I always felt that if someone knew about my suicidality, they would not be receptive to me or be judgmental. That may still be the case with some people, but at least I feel welcomed with an organization that helped me deal with my suicidality and try to overcome it. It wasn’t easy. It was a long road. I still feel suicidal at times. Even though I had a huge accomplishment this week with the publication of my book, I still felt like offing myself. I just felt like my job was done but really it is only beginning. I need to spread the word about my experiences and that there is treatment available if you just look for it. The training of clinicians in suicide prevention, intervention, and postvention needs to happen and what better way than through the experience of an attempt survivor or a person with lived experience. I hope that one day, clinicians are not threatened by the word suicide and are eager to help those that are feeling like taking their life.

In my book, I talk about two frameworks that have helped me in my recovery. They are CAMS (Collaborating, Assessment, and Managing of Suicide) and the Aeschi Model. These frameworks take away the therapist as expert and put the client/patient in charge of their treatment. Through an empathic and non-judgmental ear, his story is told and the learning of what makes that person suicidal is learned. It is completely individualized as no two suicidal people are suicidal for the same reason. You cannot lump suicidal people together and hope that one treatment works. It must be individualized. Just like not all medication work for all people, dealing with suicide can be a trial and error situation. But it takes willingness on the part of the clinician to make this so. Clinicians cannot always count on the hospital being the cure all for suicidal thinking. It must be dealt with in an outpatient setting as more and more hospital beds are becoming scarce.