Enchanted

Enchanted

I forgot where I was going with this. Not having a good time right now. Side effects and mixed states do not mix. But this song always reminds of the night I shook David Jobes’ hand after he read my Ten Faces poster at the 41st AAS annual conference. The video is a little dizzying as the slow mo can make you feel sick so if you suffer from motion sickness, I would not recommend watching it!

I hate feeling cooped up yet zonked at the same time. I want to sleep but my arms are spastic. And I am just annoyed. Annoyed at everyone in my family today. I got “yelled” at by practically every member of the family today and I do not like it. I did what I could with my father and his appointment but if he doesn’t open his mouth, who am I to put words in it? Then my mother thinks I am her cook. She wanted me to make pasta for her lentil soup but I felt drowsy so slept. She then calls me asking where I was after she got annoyed with her sister. Today was not a good day with family. I just want to go to sleep but I am too agitated by side effects. Even as I am typing this my hand is cramping and it is quite painful. Fucking abilify. I emailed my psychiatrist and told her what was going on. I told her about the delusions and how isolated I have become. Still no response from her. I will be shocked if I get one. I just am glad I have therapy tomorrow because I hate these mixed states more than I hate anything else. My patience is gone. My father called and blew up because he saw blood on his shirt where he had his biopsy today. He said he was “covered” but I don’t believe him. It was a tiny puncture wound. I doubt that it would bleed that much. He just called me again to say there was “blood all over the place”. Lord help me. I think I will have some gin tonight. Screw the meds. I already had my pain meds and an Ativan. My therapist will not be happy with me but fuck her. She doesn’t know what I dealt with today. And maybe I can get some decent sleep. I just want to sleep till 0800, is that too much to ask for??

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