I woke up around 7 and after I had coffee and breakfast, I fell back to sleep. I guess the coffee wasn’t as strong as I thought it would be, otherwise, I don’t think I would have fallen back asleep. I woke up around 10. I knew that if I didn’t leave the house, I was going to sleep, again. It was just like yesterday where I couldn’t do anything because I was so tired. But I didn’t do anything strenuous to be so exhausted. I know I did a lot on Thursday and it takes me a while to recover. But I should be okay today. I got dressed and went to the post office to mail my therapist her letters. To my shock, the toner for the printer is still going strong. It is the toner that came with the printer and I really wasn’t expecting it to last this long. I don’t print that often, but it seems that it is going well. I must have printed off more than 100 pages and it shows no sign of losing ink. Makes me wonder if buying the extra cartridge was a stupid idea. At least I have it, just in case I run out of ink.
After the post office, I went to get my haircut. There was a bit of a wait but it was worth it. I got it cut like I wanted. I then went to the pizza place and got a few slices for my mother and I for lunch. I came home, had lunch and then took a shower to get the excess hair off my head. I like feeling the hair as it is so short. It feels like a brush, but I don’t like having a handful of hair in the process.
I have been nauseous for most of the day and I finally got the migraine I was dreading. Every time I finished eating something today, I was dry heaving. I usually only get that way when I get migraines. I rarely puke but, man, do I dry heave. It’s terrible. Sometimes I wish I would puke just so the heaving would stop. I took my Zofran (anti-nausea pill) and thought that would be it until I had the pizza. It’s not that warm today to get me exhausted, but I still had to go slow up the stairs to my room. I don’t know why I am so fatigued. Only thing I didn’t do today was go grocery shopping and pick up my prescription.
I have been on and off on Facebook the past few days. I just can’t seem to get away from it, if only because my friends aren’t on Twitter. I had an upsetting moment by a couple of memes and a letter to Caitlyn Jenner. It was very transphobic and it made me very angry. I had to unfollow the friends that posted it. I made a status saying that I won’t tolerate it and if anyone has a problem with this, unfriend me or if they had any negative comment, they would be blocked and reported as harassment. A couple of people starting to congratulate me but were either using an old name that I was using or my birth name. I was getting frustrated so I made another status as to what I should be called on Facebook even though my fucking name hasn’t changed in two years!! Just fucking kills me that people can’t read or pay attention.
With the first status, I think I came out on Facebook as a transgendered male. I don’t know if that came across or not. I didn’t get anyone asking directly. A couple of my close cousins liked the message. I just couldn’t take someone calling Jenner a cross dresser. Being transgender is more than that and emotionally charged. She is living her life the way it is supposed to be lived, now. She no longer has to hide who she is. I am still in the closet but I am slowly opening the door. One day I will tell my mother and it will go a little rocky. I am not expecting her to accept it. I am her first born and I think she will always see me as her little baby girl. That hurts me even saying that. My fear is that it will send me to a suicidal rage, which is why I haven’t told her. I am scared that she will say something and it will drive me off the narrow ledge that I am on every day.
midnightdemons7 