I think if I am not “better” by next week, it will be time to think about the hospital even if I don’t want to go. Things are getting too weird, even for me. My pdoc is worried as she wanted to set up an appointment for tomorrow but I will be babysitting the next few days so can’t see her. I told her about my weird psychosis that is happening, but didn’t give much detail because I was afraid should would tell me I need to be in the hospital. I don’t think the hospital will do anything for me except drug me up so that I am not so hyper.
I woke up this morning with a cramp in my foot so took an Ativan. My throat is a little scratchy, too. I hope it’s not anything to worry about. I hate sore throats. If I get sick, I don’t care, I won’t go to the hospital. There is nothing worse than being on a fucking psych unit and being ill, physically. You can’t have cough drops whenever you want them because they have to be ordered by a doctor. It sucks. Been there a few times and I hated it. I wanted nothing more than to be in my own bed, where I could take Nyquil whenever I wanted to.
I had a good sleep finally. If I dreamed, I don’t remember them. It’s another muggy day. I wish I didn’t have to go out but I have to see my PCP. I am not looking forward to it. I just wish he would say nothing about my weight. And maybe he will. I don’t know. It always makes me nervous. Maybe I will bring some Ativan and slip him one. LOL just kidding. It’s going to be a longer appointment because it’s my stupid physical. I hate physicals. I think they are just a waste of time.
Checked my bank account and looks like the payment went through that I was hoping for. I am so relieved. I just placed my grocery and allergy meds order. Now I don’t have to worry about food for a month. I did shave off some of the stuff so it’s not quite as expensive and just got what I really need. I still ordered my steak. I will have it delivered tomorrow morning. I hope it does get delivered before my therapy appointment. I will be watching the munchkin but she is 10 years old and can be left alone for a little while so I can put my groceries away, and have pie.
I might add on ground beef so I can make manwich. But sometimes they don’t have the buns, which is weird because I order the stop and shop kind, not the name brand. Hopefully that was a one time thing. I haven’t made manwich in months. I am the only one that likes it so will eat it for a week. I am a true carnivore.
I really hope my mood settles down this week. I don’t think I can take another week of feeling on top of the world. It’s nice but I am waiting for the shoe to drop as I know it’s not going to last. It will suck if I get a deep depression after feeling good for two weeks. Just hope the psychosis bit stays away.
midnightdemons7 