Hurt beyond words
I have been having a sucky day. I didn’t get enough sleep again last night, as I woke up again around 0400. That seems to be my wake up hour. I was so groggy, I don’t remember if it was because I had to pee or not. I went back to sleep in an hour or two. I had an early appointment with my therapist that I didn’t want to sleep through so I didn’t take any meds to make me sleepy. Didn’t work though. I only slept another two hours. I called uncle and stayed up. I made some breakfast but my stomach was not in the mood for coffee so I didn’t make it.
After therapy, I made my trek to my father’s. It was cooler out than it had been in previous days. I just hoped it didn’t rain. I checked my comments and that was the last thing I did for the rest of the day. The comments were more personal this time, too personal for my comfort level. But there is nothing I can do about it. And that is what hurts. That someone that was once close to me was so jealous that she had to put my information out on the web. It would be one thing if I placed it there, but I didn’t. I am very hurt. I emailed my psych who wanted me in the hospital as I am crashing. I don’t think the hospital can do much for me. It can’t take away what has been done. I think I know who this person is so I unfriended her on FB. She may not think I remember her writing a long comment on my FB page when I came out as being TG but I do. I can’t stop her from reading my blog, but at least I can stop her from reading my FB posts.
I still think it’s wild that someone so jealous was out there and I had no clue. I am hurt beyond words. I am just glad that my mother doesn’t have access or know how to use a computer. The thing that bothers me is that she waited for the comments to slow down to write her say and she did it in two stints. That took a lot of planning. This wasn’t writing on the fly. It was personal. A personal vendetta. And because her comments are the first ones to be seen, no one has to read those that followed. She timed it perfectly. What she doesn’t know is that it hurt me. And I don’t understand why she wrote what she did. I never will because I never will find out her true identity. At the end of her comment, she thinks I will “cop out”. If I ever do, it will be on her head, not mine. I will personally see to it that the identity of this “IamBoston” is known and caused my death to happen, now that there is such transgender hate out there, who is to say that I will be safe from it. No where in my article was there mention of my orientation or gender until she blatantly put it out there. So if my death should come as a hate crime, I hope you are satisfied.
midnightdemons7 