Exhausting day
I think all the excitement has worn off and left me feeling exhausted. I am still sleeping in four hour increments and I think I am crashing. I don’t feel as “good” or content anymore like I did while I was hypo. I just want to crawl under the covers and sleep. But I did go out today to get my coffee. It went well though I didn’t get as much writing done as I was hoping. The place was crowded and it made it hard to think. Course, I was still fighting the cobwebs in my brain before the coffee got rid of them. And they didn’t. I drank the coffee and then felt like I was going to pass out. I packed up my things and left to catch the next bus home. My mother wanted a coupe dozen of eggs at Walgreens so I bought those for her before I went home.
I wasn’t sure if I was going to blog this afternoon, but I am getting the writing itch and I can’t ignore it. I got some more weird comments on my article. I just laughed. My psychiatrist was right, they say more about the person writing them than my writing. My blog stats are still mad crazy, though not as abundant as yesterday. I had 1,154 views yesterday, a career high. I am glad people read my blog to know more about me and my struggles. The highest read was my page on my book and a few of the CES pages.
I had therapy today and we talked a lot about the comments. I told her someone had said that they thought my treaters were my “imaginary friends”. We also talked about the possibility of my crashing as I feel like I am out of gas. Things are MUCH slower the past day and a half than they were before. I feel depressed. I am not sleeping or eating much. I am tired all the time. Thinking I am slow, it isn’t as fast as it was. In fact, I have a hard time keeping up with fast songs so I know the crash is beginning. I was hoping just to have a normal mood for a while but it doesn’t look like that is going to happen. I am trying to remain hopeful, that things are still good, but it’s getting harder. Pain has come and I couldn’t walk down the block to get Powerball numbers for tonight’s game. A friend in PA bought me two tickets. If we win, we will split it. That was so nice of her.
I hope tomorrow is cooler. I have to see my father to do my weekly errand with him. I will be seeing him later because I have an early appointment with my therapist. I am glad we have a time to talk before the weekend, as I am not sure how bad my mood is going to change over the next day or so. I hate feeling like this but it is my normal. I rather feel like this than be racy like I was. I hope the hypos stay away. I have been listening to ALL my songs and every time I hear a Bon Jovi song I have to sing along with it. It is my favorite group of all time, next to Pearl Jam. Speaking of Pearl Jam, they are set to come out with a new album soon. I cannot wait. Their last album was very good and I haven’t heard them in years. I love Eddie Vedder, their lead singer. There is just something about his voice that gets me and the music that I can relate to.
I don’t know if I will be listening to the ball game tonight. I am so tired I don’t think I am going to make it the whole game. I might listen to the first couple of innings to see how Kelly pitches. He will probably start trending whether he pitches good or bad. ALL his starts he has trended because he made a prediction way back when that he will win the Cy Young award this year. That turned out to be such a laugher, and still is. He is an overconfident bastard. Just wish his pitching matched his arrogance.
midnightdemons7 