early morning blog

I woke up about an hour ago because I had to use the facilities. I slept for about four hours. I am kind of pissed because I was so exhausted, I thought I would have slept longer.

I checked my blog stats, which are still outrageous. I am feeling very excited about this. But I know the numbers will wind down as the article loses favor. I read some more of the comments and they were outrageous, calling me every diagnostic label in the personality disorder department. They are also concerned about when my therapist passes away then what will I do. Really weird stuff. I am laughing at the comments because they are so outlandish. One woman wants to shake me and slap me. That must be a new form of therapy that I have not heard about. I should also “take a break” from my therapist. Yea, I am sure my therapist will love that idea, seeing as she just came back from vacation. One commenter even thought my treaters were my “imaginary friends”. Yes, they are. Fool.

I am handling the comments better and taking them with a grain of salt. I wish I could respond to each one but I can’t. It would take energy that I don’t have. So I am blogging about it because that is what I do when I am upset and need to get things off my chest.

My Kindle sales have gone well. I sold three books since the article came out. There also seems to have 283 pages read but I don’t understand what this is because my book is only 154 pages. I am going to have to ask what these pages mean. I am sure there was an email about it and I just didn’t understand it. I think it has to do with Amazon Prime but I am not sure. Anyways, happy reading!

I think I am finally crashing. My mood has been dull and the excitement has worn off. I see my pdoc next week. I plan on giving her some cake pops as a thank you for giving me the idea to submit to the Times. She didn’t say this out right; she just asked what I was going to do with this paper. Never in my wildest dreams did I think the Times would pick my paper.

I can’t believe how low I have been feeling. I have been trying to “get back up” but I feel so sluggish. I think that has more to do with my not sleeping than anything. Having four hour stints at a time is no fun. I wish the euphoria would come back but I am just happy it is gone. That was a little scary the past few weeks where I was hypo. I did like one woman’s comment giving me an ultimatum: I am to give her 6 months to live and if I refuse, then I am to go to the hospital. No other treatment options were given. I replied but it hasn’t been posted. This rubbed a nerve. She definitely would NOT be a therapist I would see because she is very close minded and obviously doesn’t want to deal with suicidality at all. I pity her and her clients. The hospital is no place for someone with chronic suicidality, Jobes and Linehan have proven that. I would love to send her information on this but she isn’t worth my time. I also put in another plug for Jobes’s work and gave her the title of the book. But the reply didn’t go through. Oh well, her loss.

I finally got another three hours of sleep. Now I think I am up for the day. I might go to Starbucks early to get coffee. I am going to need it today. I don’t want to make the coffee that I have because I want to go out, even though it’s muggy outside. It’s supposed to be worse today than the last three days. I hope it cools down. I cannot tolerate the heat.

any thoughts?

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