Do Nothing Tuesday

Do nothing Tuesday

I had therapy today. It was productive. We talked about the multiple texts that I sent her during my anxiety attack that I had yesterday afternoon/evening. She said that it was all PTSD related. I told her I was going out of my mind and she said next time try and move around, not stay in the same space. I suppose I could have left my room so I wasn’t so isolated. But I also didn’t feel like being around my mother. She doesn’t understand my illness and would not be helpful at all. If anything, it would worry her. And I don’t need anyone else knowing that I have anxiety brought on by pain. I tried to get someone on twitter to respond but got nowhere. I had people on Facebook help, but they were thinking panic attacks and I wasn’t having that. I was just really anxious and shaky. I wasn’t hyperventilating or feeling like I was going to die, or any of the other symptoms of a panic attack. It didn’t reassure me that my therapist said it was PTSD, but I guess that is better than what I was thinking, general anxiety disorder.

We talked about the needs and I explained what the difference was. I don’t know if she was writing it down or not. It sounded like she did because she asked me to repeat some of the words. We spent some time talking about it and how it could be useful for us. It was a long list but it is what it is. Tomorrow we’ll talk most about it. She also wants me to star my texts if they are important so we can talk about them during session. I don’t know if I can remember to do that when I am in the fit of emotion. She also wants me to send her more blogs. I only send her the ones that are pertinent to our conversation. I will have to ask her tomorrow what she means by that. I write a lot of blogs lately so I need to know what she wants. And stupid WordPress doesn’t make it easy to share the blogs. It’s kind of stupid that you have to view it in order for you to share it. It was easier before they did the update. I have to do it on my phone so I can text message her.

We didn’t get to talk about the depression. She did want me to talk to my pdoc about my mood stabilizer. Today I am not feeling like doing anything. I am really tired because I woke up at 0600 again. I fell back to sleep and that just did me in for the day. I had no energy to do anything. Even now I am struggling to stay awake. I even had a cup of coffee. It was good and strong so I don’t know why it’s putting me to sleep. Only meds I took today was my BP meds and they don’t make me sleepy. I have been on them more than a year now. I think not sleeping yesterday just got caught with me today. I knew I wasn’t going to go out, though I tried to do an errand for my mother. It was a good thing because I emptied my bank account so I can get a haircut and get a birthday card for my Godmother. Her birthday is next week. I don’t think I will be seeing her. My cousin’s birthday is Friday. I have to remember to text her even though she is on vacation. All these birthdays. Today is my sister’s. I really don’t feel like getting dressed to go over my other sister’s house but I have to. I hope they have the cake early so I can go home sooner rather than later.

My father is over the house. I didn’t go to his house last week because my back was out. He looked like he was afraid to touch me like I was a leper or something. Idiot. He never called to check on me either, not like I was expecting it. My sister took care of the meds, which I was grateful for.