Who are your favorite people to be around?
My baby sister and my nieces and nephew
Author: Midnight Demon
suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression and chronic pain that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
gold rush
Gold rush
I had therapy today and I swear I wanted to end it 15 minutes into it. We were discussing anxiety and how I catastrophize a lot of the time. She also brought up my many messages to my medical providers. I have a chronic illness and it gets to messages. I might have medical anxiety over something. She feels like it is too much. I don’t recognize this medical anxiety stuff. My therapist doesn’t know anything about medicine yet is trying to tell me I am contacting my doctor too much? I don’t think my pcp would tolerate me contacting her for shit reasons. I wouldn’t be on 20 meds a day for being “normal”. Fuck. It was a frustrating session.
I tried reading what I was supposed to for my Anthro class, which I found out we are having our first exam this week. I am freaking out. I have an exam tomorrow in my psych class. I spent the weekend studying. I read half a chapter. I will finish the rest tonight before bed. I need to take a shower. I fricken stink. I hate sweating so much and it’s just winter. I opened the window in my room last night to get some fresh air in.
I feel so depressed. It’s that time of day when I feel really low and life seems pointless. I feel like a nobody. Insurmountable grief. I try writing how I feel every day so that I can wrestle with the demons that ravage my mind. Some days I feel successful at it. Other days, I struggle to get the words out. I don’t know what I am doing half the time. I keep thinking of dying. Yet, I am still here. I don’t know why I am.
Favorite shoes #WPDP
Tell us about your favorite pair of shoes, and where they’ve taken you.
I have New Balance sneakers. It’s the only pair of shoes I really own and wear every day. My current pair has velcro straps so it’s easy to take on and off. My sister got me a black pair with shoelaces. Sometimes it hurts my feet for some reason. I go everywhere with them.
trying to study
Trying to study
I decided to go through the powerpoint slides for my psych class. I just keep going over and over it. I haven’t done chapt 2 yet. I will do that in a little bit. I emailed the professor to see when we will get our quiz back.
I slept throughout the night and woke up around 7. I didn’t get up until 10 or so. I feel a little better than I did yesterday but I am still congested. I didn’t take Nyquil last night because the cough wasn’t bad. I am having a hard time coughing up the congestion though. It feels like it is sitting in my chest. I might have to see my pcp this week.
I need to do my med boxes for the week. I have been putting it off. I feel really tired despite me getting some sleep through the night. This cold sucks. My sister is sick too. I am going to go through the slides and then take a nap.
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