I had a very busy day and now I am paying for it. I went to get my coffee and then did a little shopping. I literally just bought two things, some cold cuts for my lunch/dinner and then went to the bakery to buy some Scalia bread. I then walked to Walgreens to pick up my prescriptions and then came home. I am exhausted and my foot is killing me now.
Now that I had something to eat, I decided to write my blog. Exciting I know. I had a good therapy session with my therapist. She wants me to keep in contact with her while she is on vacation next week. I think she will need the support as she is visiting her in laws, in FL where the humidity is worst than here. I feel mixed about her being on vacation. I am both happy and sad to see her go. But I need some time off to regroup after all that transpired last week.
I sent my “mentioning of suicide” paper to my psychiatrist and a friend to give me some input. While I think it is a good paper, something is just not sitting right with me about it. I think it needs a better conclusion but can’t seem to figure out how to do that yet. Intros and conclusions are my biggest finks when I write a paper. I can write the body of the paper well, sometimes, and then I am left with how to end it. I think I did good on it but I just don’t know. My other friend wants me to write a paper about relationships and suicide. I started that last night but right now I have a brain fog as to where to go with it so I emailed her and asked her for some help. I don’t know why I can’t just finished it. There is plenty of material I can use but I don’t know if I want to go there.
My therapist and I also talked about my book. I don’t see it going anywhere so I have not worked on it in weeks. I attached some of the “mentioning” paper to it. Thing is, I lost my confidence with this book. I don’t think I can write it anymore. It just drains me after writing just three pages at a time. Plus it’s not like an excel file where I can just click on the end tab to add new stuff. When I open it, it starts from the beginning and I have to scroll all the way to the end. If there are any Microsoft word geniuses reading this and can tell me how to make this simpler, please comment! I would love to know how to get to the end of the document without going through forty some odd pages of work.
I guess I am just at a standstill with my life so my book is also at a standstill. I probably should reread my old journals to get a fresh perspective or something. But that will take some work. I have journals every where (I write a LOT) and they are not exactly in chronological order. I don’t think they ever have been. I know some of them do not make any sense, especially my early journals as I just wrote in code. I wrote about my fantasy life, in code, and my soap operas that I was watching. I didn’t talk about my life at all, like I do now. Trouble is that I forgot what the code meant. I didn’t want my journal being read by my mother or sisters so I developed this code. Trouble is that I don’t fricken remember what it stood for so I have a whole notebook of meaningless words jumbled together. Yea, I was pretty creative back then. But then, having a fantasy life, you had to be creative.
I was so disappointed today that Walgreens didn’t have B&J Cherry Garcia ice cream. They had like all the other flavors BUT this one. So I tweeted it that I was disappointed and their social service rep DM’d me about where they were. I should be here back from the store manager in a few days. If I get a free ice cream, that will be a SCORE! I have been craving cherry ice cream since my friend posted it on her webpage. I actually would have been satisfied with even the Walgreen brand of Garcia but they didn’t even have that in stock! So I am ice creamless tonight. I might go to Rite Aid tomorrow and see if they have it. I just hope it’s not more than $5. Stop and Shop had a pint going for like almost $6!! WAY too much for a stinking pint of ice cream!
Tomorrow is one of my down days. I have nothing planned except to go make my coffee run and maybe sit at Starbucks and work on my lyrics book. That is getting to be more writing than I thought. I know I should probably just print off the lyrics but I find that writing them out gets me thinking more about the song. I have yet to write my thoughts about the songs but I think I will once all the lyrics of the songs that I choose are in my notebook. I just wish that I could write another paper on the song “you found me” by the Fray like I did “how to save a life” (if interested in reading it, check it out here). Another paper gone. I should have wrote it when I was thinking of it as a sequel to “how to save a life”.