suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression and chronic pain that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
It’s pouring rain again and my head is ready to explode. I didn’t sleep well. I woke up around midnight and stayed up playing on my phone until like 4am. My head hurt and I kept on dreaming weird shit. I got up around 8 to have coffee thinking that would help but it didn’t. I went back to sleep where I finally slept a good sleep except for dreaming something weird. I woke up with another headache and feeling hungry. I made a couple of eggs with cheese and had some juice and another cup of coffee.
I was going to go out today to pick up my prescriptions but it is raining so damn hard. I am not going out into it. I am glad the Sox are on the West coast otherwise there would be no games. They were still playing when I woke up around midnight. I think the game got out around 1ish. We won.
My therapist still hasn’t sent me the letter I need for college. I am pissed. It has been at least three weeks since I told her I needed a letter. I understand she is busy but I really need this letter. I hope I can get it soon.
I feel like shit. I had a couple of eggs for lunch and now I am feeling nauseous. I think it is because of the migraine activity due to the weather. It is muggy even though it is raining. I hate it. I’m going to lie down for a few. I hope I feel better by the time the Sox play tonight.
I woke up and got up about 130pm. I have no power in my room. AC must have tripped the circuit or something did. No one was answering my texts. Finally my niece texted me and I got access to the basement. Tripped circuit. I fixed it.
Yesterday I saw my pcp. We discussed the headaches and she thinks it is migraine activity. Wants me to take a migraine med before bed to see if it helps. I had a hard time sleeping last night and didn’t have any dreams. She is also going to reach out to my neurologist about any meds I could try before I see her. I got an appt in Oct.
She checked my knees. Right is ok but the left might need an x-ray in the future. I need to use the diclofenac gel for pain.
I wasn’t able to make the last bereavement group meeting as I didn’t get home till 4pm. I said, in an email, it was ok to share my email if anyone wanted to reach out. There is another group starting in Sept. I might join it.
I got hot as I was wearing a Tshirt so I took it off. I am trying to cool off in my room. AC is on but it will be an hour or two before it gets cold. I have no plans for today. I just wanted to rest. My new Sox hat came in. I am so excited. The B has the pride flag colors for those that can’t see the pic.
I plan on listening to the game tonight. They are on the west coast again. Game time is like 2215 or something like that. They are playing the Giants. I hope I am still up. Hate west coast games.
You must be logged in to post a comment.