Midnight Demon

What book are you reading right now? #WPDP

Sat,18 Nov,2023, 2:17 by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging

What book are you reading right now?

I’m reading the Education of Henry Adams by Henry Adams. Very interesting though dull at points. He likes to say education when he really means life experiences.

attempting to put into words my thoughts

Fri,17 Nov,2023, 17:15 by Midnight Demon, posted in depression

Attempting to put into words my thoughts

I woke up around 1am and found it extremely hard to go back to sleep. I laid in bed. I took an Ativan. I didn’t feel like reading. I stayed up till at least 4 or 5 and then I fell back to sleep. I woke up again a few minutes before my med alarm as I had to pee. My phone was going off all morning. I had a shit ton of messages but I didn’t care to look at them. After I peed, I just went back to sleep. I didn’t really wake up until my sister knocked on my door asking if I printed out something for her. I told her my printer was broken. I still haven’t tried to fix it yet. I am hoping blowing out some of the toner will help but I am not sure.

I had a cup of coffee and then I made some ramen noodles for lunch. It was spicy and I liked it. It cleared out my sinuses. I brushed my teeth and shaved. I took off my goatee as the hairs on my chin were patchy. I am getting more growth there. One of the phone calls this morning was for my eye appointment for Mon. they said the copay was going to be $70 and I don’t get paid till Wed so I canceled it. I called back to reschedule and they didn’t have any openings till Dec. I need to get my eye looked at because it is irritated. I called the one west of Boston where I went earlier this year and they have an opening the week after Thanksgiving. They said the copay will be between $60-100. Fuck.

I am not sure how I feel today. I don’t have the motivation to shower as shaving caused some back cramps. I need to go to the pharmacy to get my meds. It’s nice out even though it is getting dark now. I will go tomorrow. I need to go to the Square anyways. I feel grumpy. My eye keeps becoming irritated and it makes it hard to read or to concentrate. I have been using drops but they don’t seem to be effective anymore. I think something more is going on with it. It might be allergies or something else. I don’t know. I hate that my copay is so fucking high.

I am really struggling with writing this week. My thoughts just don’t seem important to write down. I haven’t touched my book or the suicidality document. I just feel empty and devoid of things. My mojo seems to be in a slumber or something. I don’t know. Maybe it will come back to me eventually.

Tiredness

Thu,16 Nov,2023, 17:11 by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, depression

This was me today. I had a cup of coffee and then wanted to go to the Square to pick up my meds. I was tired and felt like I was being weighed down. I wanted my cousin to take me so that I wouldn’t waste energy getting there but he finked on me. I knew by 1215 he wasn’t going to take me. I was mostly dressed and ready to go to the bus stop.

I got to the bus stop and sat down. Bus wasn’t coming for another 20 mins. I listened to 1989TV as I waited. It was nice out. Not too cold. I wore my new Ohio State hoodie. Bus finally came and off I went to the pharmacy. There wasn’t a line. My migraine med needs to be refrigerated. I asked the pharmacist how long to keep it out before injection and she said 15 minutes. I hope this works.

I made my way back home. I was hungry so I had the leftover pizza I made the other day. I made another cup of coffee. Then went up to my room. I took the med. It hurt and stung as it was injecting. Then I got this metallic taste in my mouth. I wanted to nap so I laid down for a bit but didn’t sleep.

My pcp got back to me about the ophthalmology consult I had while inpatient. I wanted to know why they had come because I don’t remember shit about the 6 weeks on the med unit. She said I had conjunctivitis caused by debris in my eye. She gave me the medical term but I’m not good with eye disease spelling. I have the background info if the eye doctor needs it. I see him Monday because my left eye feels sticky and waters a lot. I’ve been using tear drops but it still hasn’t helped. My eye gets very irritated easily and becomes itchy which just makes it tear more. I don’t know if it is dry eye or allergies or both. Hope to have answers Monday.

I really hate that I don’t remember the 8 weeks I was in the hospital. I just remember the hallucinations and delusions more of what really happened. I was pretty gone. I’m glad things got better when I was back on my meds. They really made a difference.