What strategies do you use to maintain your health and well-being?
I refuse to get a car so I use public transportation which forces me to walk. Today I did 4800 steps and am exhausted. Also have good friends to talk to when I am stressed.
Author: Midnight Demon
suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression and chronic pain that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
done enough todaying
Done enough todaying
I had a meeting with my sisters with the lawyer this morning. I didn’t want to get up but I thought I would have to sign papers. We just talked about what we want going forward with the house. Eventually I need to do a will, with a lawyer, so that if something happens to me, my sisters or my blood relatives know what to do. Then I did some more errands. My sister took me to one of the discount clubs so I could get more Ensure. This place had it cheaper than Amazon. I also got some chicken breast so I can make a roast on a day that is cooler than it is right now.
I ordered lunch like I typically do when I get paid. It was good. I missed taking my stomach pill this morning. It got wrapped up in the sheets somehow and I only found it when I was getting dressed. I was wondering why I was having heartburn. Now I know. I might make chicken tonight so that I have it tomorrow for lunch. Depends on what time I get home.
I see my pcp tomorrow. My knees have been sort of ok but going down stairs hurts me and getting up from sitting after like a half hour or so hurts. I got a wicked migraine yesterday with the storms that came in. OMG it was so brutal. Later that night, I got into a fight with my sister because I didn’t pick up after her kids. I was pissed off. Just stupid things. She said some awful stuff that I didn’t appreciate.
I am suffering from heartburn in a bad way right now. I had a spicy chicken thing at the club and my stomach is not liking it at all. Might have to take Mylanta. I am so tired from all the walking around the place. I walked over 3,000 steps today. Tomorrow I will be doing at least 4,000. I am not looking forward to it as it is supposed to be really hot, like 92. I don’t know what the humidity will be. I really hope it is a dry heat but that would be so rare for Boston…
Future travel plans #WPDP
What are your future travel plans?
To see my friend in Chicago and then go to Canada to see my BFF.
Euphoria hit me today
Just got my haircut. Little boy on the bus was staring at me and I was wondering if he was thinking I was a boy or girl and had to stop myself. I am a boy and I nearly wept as my chest was throbbing. The euphoria was finally hitting me. I wondered if I would ever feel it since my mother’s death. I looked at my photo I took and posted on an FTM support groups. A member said they see a grown man, complete with a male hairline. I am losing my hair and the pic kind of looks like a comb over that my sister pointed out. I don’t care. I still think I look good. I have issues with my body. My stomach is giving me such dysphoria since the binders have been off. I haven’t gained weight but I haven’t lost any either, which is frustrating. I have been cutting calories to no effect. I know I haven’t been active either but it’s a slippery slope with my foot. Any big active days such as walking more than 5 blocks hurts me. My limit is 0.4 miles, anything more than that and I am in pain.
Today has been a rough day due to headaches. I woke up a couple times after dreaming with them. I told my psychiatris about it and he doesn’t have answers. I need to see a neurologist. I had one. I need to call to see if I still do. I had a skipped appt with her back when I was catatonic so don’t know if they kicked me out because of it. It has been thundering and downpouring the past couple of hours so my head hurts. Not sure if it is a migraine or not. I need a nap. I am tired.
My internet was not connecting well today so m psychiatrist called me. We talked about meds. He wants to play with my Latuda and I told him we could but I could become psychotic again with a lower dose or stopping it. He wants to bring the Effexor dose up but until I have my neuro appt, he is holding off.
Gonna stop here. My head is hurting too much.
midnightdemons7 
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