What is your favorite holiday? Why is it your favorite?
Thanksgiving. Turkey is why it is my favorite and all the sides.
Author: Midnight Demon
suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression and chronic pain that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
afternoon activities
Afternoon activities
I woke up around 1am to take my antibiotic and couldn’t go back to sleep. I was up most of the night. I read some and wrote some. I felt like shit and it continued to the day. I woke up around 11 and had my first cup of coffee. I canceled my dentist appointments. I feel like I need to be back in the hospital but because of the ongoing chest issues, I can’t go in just yet.
I went to the clinic for my chest check. I still had fluid on the right side. I decided for them to put a wick in but they had trouble placing it. So they aspirated the fluid. It wasn’t a lot but enough. I need to come back next week. On the train ride home there was a lady that just was singing and yelling a lot. I have no idea what her problem was. I think she had mental illness of some kind.
I ordered Chinese food for supper. It was the only thing I ate all day. I had messaged my psychiatrist about drinking Ensure for my night time Latuda dose and he was fine with it. I told him I still am not eating right. I have just one meal a day, most days. If I don’t eat because I am not hungry, I will have a couple of protein Ensures.
I have the VNA coming Thursday. I have a wound on the right side now as they had to cut me to try and get the wick in. I have to put antibiotic ointment on it with a bandage. I will shower tomorrow as I need to shave my armpits so they don’t smell so bad. I sweat so much. I get hot at night when I am under the covers despite my room being cold.
I reached out to my therapist about how I have been feeling. I am glad we are meeting tomorrow. Listening to Bon Jovi and it is helping my mood. I love their music. Wish I had more 80s music but there are so many one hit wonders throughout the decade. It would cost a fortune to collect all my favorites. I am sure if I listen to Pandora I can get a playlist of some kind. I loaded Linkin Park to my laptop last night and listened to the live album of Meteora20. It was pretty cool. I miss Chester so much. His talent is unmatched.
Have you ever been camping?
Have you ever been camping?
Yes, when I was a teen, we would go to Westford Mass and they had a camp site there with a lake. It was gorgeous and fun. Best part was being away from the city.
Dcmd
I’ve been out to my family since I wrote my memoir in 2014. I didn’t tell my mother until 2017 when I legally changed my name. She first accepted me and then when the paperwork came, she didn’t want to call me my name and insisted I was still her daughter. Fast forward to now.
In Dec, she was diagnosed with cancer. In the beginning of March, she finally called me son. At first, I thought it was because I kept on telling the medical staff I was her son. But then she really shocked me when she told my aunt, unprompted, that her son was here. We never talked about it. I didn’t know how to feel because she was dying. She died a month ago on Apr 4th. I am proud she finally accepted me. Just wish it didn’t take till her dying for it to happen. I still am conflicted and sore.
Anyways, that is my story
midnightdemons7 
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