night time blog

Night time blog

I did nothing for my birthday. I stayed home listening to the rain fall and watched TV. My family came over and we had some laughs and some cake. I didn’t shower like I wanted to. I fell down the stairs and it kind of wiped out anything else that I was going to do. I am hurting and it’s worse now standing for even a few minutes. I will probably shower tomorrow.

I got a lot of presents that were just for my birthday, not Christmas like it usually goes. My Aunt gave me a Euro in a necklace that nearly choked me because the chain was too small. I like it but the chain didn’t fit right and was aggravating me the whole time I was wearing it. I usually to not wear necklaces. I will wear my Claddaugh ring, but that is only because I lost my high and junior high rings. Our middle school gave out rings because most of the graduates never finish high school. My starting freshman year was about 250 kids. Only about 150 graduated. Granted some had transferred to other schools (like my sister and a couple of my friends moved out of town) but the majority either dropped out because it was too hard or because they got pregnant. One of my friends didn’t graduate because she just couldn’t keep up with school work.

I edited my book for hopefully the last time before the editor sees it. I put in the indents in the paragraphs. I was reading it as I was going along, well, maybe not reading, skimming. And it still gives me chills on certain parts of the book. I know that part of it is because the book is so personal. I talk about every aspect of my life that has to do with my suicidality and the road to seeing therapists and psychiatrists. It was not an easy book to write. I do hope that someone can relate to some of the things I write in it. I know the title alone is a paragraph but I had to get CES into the title. There are no other books out there that deal with Cauda Equina Syndrome, not in the personal sense. People need to know about this syndrome because not all back pain is the same. And back pain can progress to CES if not taken cared of properly or if further injury makes it worse. I try to cover all aspects of getting CES in the book but I am not everyone. What happened to me, might not happen the same way to another person, even if we both had the same disc problem. CES is tricky to understand and most doctors do not know how to treat it, if they are able to recognize it in the first place. And this goes to radiologists too because they are the ones that interpret your MRI’s. They call something wrong because they haven’t seen it and you are fucked.

So this is how my day was. Nothing interesting. Except for the fall down a few steps. OUCH!