Still in a foul mood
Woke up early again today. Seems my bladder likes to be relieved before seven these days. Then I am up for most of the day. I am not happy about this new arrangement but if it means not wetting myself, then I will do it. Lord knows how many times I have had dreams about going to the bathroom and actually peeing. How I have not wet the bed so far is a complete miracle that I am guessing I am blessed with CES for the retention it gives me. I guess that is the only blessing CES has given me.
I went to my “happy place” (aka Starbucks) and it didn’t make me happy. I had a good new latte called Caramel Flan. It is not too sweet but very caramelly. If you love caramel, I highly recommend it. I then started my journaling but kept on getting distracted because my earbud on my right ear kept popping out. Every few minutes I had to push it back in. So annoying. It made it hard to write anything. So I just went on Facebook and Twitter. When I finished that I left. I was going to go to the grocery store to pick up some more powerade but I missed the bus and had to wait for half hour for the next one. I just decided to wait for the bus to take me home instead. I really need to call Sallie Mae to get my loan payment reduced or deferred. So I am going to call them after I blog this. I have been putting it off because of the holidays but now I can no longer do that.
My mood is terrible and I might start an argument with the person. I don’t care. I don’t have any extra money to pay them right now. I can barely get by on my income as it is. I am on a strict budget with paying the editor and not being able to eat out is killing me. It is a necessity right now that I eat at home but I do enjoy not cooking and just placing an order for delivery. I think most people enjoy that but I no longer have that luxury, least for now.
I know yesterday I had thoughts of death in my last blog. I woke up with them again today. Seems no matter how much I try to keep them out, they creep back in. It doesn’t mean that I am suicidal. I am not planning my death, though if the higher power wants to take me now, I wouldn’t mind it. My family might but I wouldn’t. Seems my family is becoming more dependent on me being home than ever. I being asked to babysit more and to take my father to his doctors appointments. I don’t mind doing it but I also like to stay in my room and be shut out from the world. Since not being able to work, I have not gone to Boston.com for news. The only news I get is from Facebook/Twitter. So it no one posts a big story, I am not likely to get it or know about it. I do get YahooNews on my twitter account but I have not read a paper in years. I used to like reading the Sunday paper at work. It was a good way for me to keep up on things and check out the new books that come out. Now unless I see a book on a show or promoted through twitter, I am not going to know about it. Or through my favorite authors. I think that is the best way to promote is by social media.
I cannot wait for March. I can finally get my tablet off my phone bill and will be saving fifty dollars a month. My phone bill will finally be affordable on my new income. I still will be able to use the tablet, least I think I will. As long as I have Wi-Fi connection, I should be ok. As it is, I don’t use it much. And it is considered a dinosaur now so I doubt anyone would want it except for recycling or something. I might still keep it as I have Kindle books on there.
I don’t know why I am in such a sour mood. I know sleep has something to do with it. I can’t stand it. I hate being down because I know there is nothing that can be done about it. But at least it isn’t sucking the energy from me. But I think it is only a matter of time before it sucks my motivation. I still have to write my few pages for the new book today. I still have no idea what I am going to write. If nothing comes to me, I will just edit what I have.
One thing that pisses me off about my mood being low is that there is no reason why I should be depressed, unless I am still grieving for my friend but I don’t really think that is it. Whatever it is, I hope that it goes away soon and I go back to my midlevel depression. Because this foul mood sucks.
midnightdemons7 