Sunday hurt blog

Sunday hurt blog

I spent the morning dealing with my father. He had a visiting nurse come see him and she was all fucking stupid over his blood level. I was like, he hasn’t taken the drug in almost a week, of course the level is low!! But she needed a MD, a doctor, to explain it to her. Fucking moron.

Then I get home and as I was filling a pan with water I got dizzy. My mother sees this and then comments saying, what are you dizzy from working? FUCK YOU, I wanted to say to her. You know I was going to ask her for 5 bucks because I need it but I think I am going to stick it where it will really hurt her, my check that I give her. I will take $50 off it every time she is disrespectful to me. See how she likes that. She thinks she is being cute, be cute. You will end up with NOTHING and then I laugh. Thanks for being concerned and everything. Damn bitch. I never give her smart remarks when she is feeling ill. Nor would I. I am just so sick of both my parents being disrespectful to me.

OMG the dog from hell is barking in my neighborhood again. I wish I knew where this pooch lived so I could call animal control and have them silence the dog. There should be a law saying that a dog shouldn’t be out in public areas for 16 hours a day! That is just cruel!! I really just want a muzzle put on the yapper. Stupid fucking dog, and they always seem to put the dog out when I want a nap. Fuckers.

I am just in a pissed off mood today. I didn’t sleep too well and I had to get up early for my father’s bullshit appointment. I have one day where I have a reprieve from him. Then I got to deal with him on Tuesday again. Just shoot me, please??

Because I missed my psychiatrist’s appointment, I don’t have one in the books. She hasn’t answered my email and I am getting ticked off. But I know this is the game we play. I email her a thousand times until she answers. Then I go to voicemail, then I go to paging her. Just to get another appointment. I wish I could just call the office but she does her own scheduling. Another annoyance. Is it gin o’clock yet?

I have been drinking gin a little more than I should and I don’t really care. I need an escape hatch. I nearly killed my father, unintentionally and I feel it is my fault he developed an ulcer. If I kept on his medication, this probably wouldn’t have happened but God knows when the last time he ran out of his medication. Now I got to deal with his PCP, who is clueless about the current events. I will do that after I had a chance to talk to my sister about her car availability. If not, I don’t know what I am going to do. Probably have him switch to another PCP in Boston. I don’t know if that is going to happen soon or not. I’ll have to find out on Tuesday because Monday is a holiday. UGH.

I am feeling really stressed out about having to take care of my father’s medical issues. I don’t know if it’s because I have been in pain more I just can’t handle stress the way I used to, or what. My leg is killing me as I am writing this and all I want to do is take a nap. I just wish the pain would stop so I could think a little more clearly. Pain is just inhibiting my vulnerability and I don’t like it. But there is nothing I can really do about it. I just hate feeling vulnerable.