It’s been a cold, stormy day so I didn’t venture outside at all. It is cold in the house as my mother doesn’t want to turn on the heat. So I have been in my bed under the blankets and in a hoodie for most of the day, playing my game. I had no motivation to do anything. I have been waiting for my therapist to tell me there is a time available to talk today but I don’t think that is going to happen. So I am hoping for another check in before the weekend.
My father canceled his doctor’s appointment for today which is one reason I stayed in the house. It is shitty out so I don’t blame him. I really don’t want to leave the house myself. But this is my second day of being in the house and I am kind of going stir crazy. My mother has spent her time well, cleaning her room. I should do the same but I wouldn’t know what to tackle first so give up.
I got a call today from a rehab place to set up an appointment with a new doctor for my ankle issue. Thing is, I don’t want to see another damn doctor for the same problem. I know they are only going to be able to offer me cortisone shots and I don’t want that because I believe (and there has been research on this) it weakens the joint. I already don’t have normal sensation so I don’t want to weaken an already weakened spot on my body. I don’t care how much they push it, it isn’t happening. Then when I say no, they want nothing to do with me. So long, see you later, have a nice day. I also feel like I shouldn’t be wasting a copay on this nonsense.
I really am tired of the doctor game. I am happy with my current regimen, even though I am in more pain lately. But I think that has to do with the weather changing than something being wrong with my ankle. And of course, being depressed doesn’t help. If I could be dead tomorrow, I would welcome it. But I am not actively suicidal. My pain has been minimal today, despite it being cold in the house. I have not really left my room that much today other than the usual stuff so I haven’t used the stairs that much. I just wish I could make my feet warm. Even though they are under the blankets they are cold.
I had no desire to work on anything related to books. I don’t know what is going to motivate me. I just keep procrastinating and I know that isn’t good. I would like to get it done but maybe I will start next year after I write notes or something to get started. I never been a coauthor so I am not sure what that entails. My short story book has been left by the way side since August. I haven’t worked on that in a long time. I don’t think it will sell that much anyway unless I get an agent or something.
I am really tired and feel like I should nap but I told my sister I would watch my niece and it’s getting close to that time. I really am not up for it but her house is heated so I might just go. I still have the AC in my window which isn’t helping to keep the cold out of my room. But then it has been rainy the past few days so I can’t take it out now. Maybe next week.
midnightdemons7 