Just Depressed

Just depressed

For some reason the cough that I thought had gone away has returned with a vengeance. It is not helping my back pain at all. I feel horribly depressed that I can’t move without pain. To make matters worse, I don’t think I will be seeing my therapist on my birthday because there is a storm on its way to Boston and it will hit then. Just great. Mother nature hates me.

I really am dreading my birthday this year. I really just want to take my sister’s car and just leave town for the day. But I know my sister will need her car back. I probably would have left months ago if I had a car.

I keep thinking I don’t have anything to do tomorrow but I have two appointments. I have my dreaded PCP appointment and then I have PT. I am dreading the PCP appointment because I know he is going to say something about my weight. I plan on wearing light pants so I can weight less on his stupid scale. Maybe then he will be happy. Last time I didn’t care and wore heavy jeans and kept things in my pocket. I weighed 8 pounds heavier than my last appointment. He flipped out on me. But this time I will be seeing him not only for my med refill, but also because I have this cough and back pain. My prediction is that he not only is going to tell me to lose weight, but also that I have a viral infection. He’ll give me a script for my pain meds and then its see you next month.

I hope the bastard is on time because my appointment with PT is two hours from his and I need to catch a shuttle bus to get there. I was looking forward to this appointment but now I just don’t care. After the possible poking and prodding of my PCP, I know the PT is going to do the same thing, if not more prodding to assess my ankle. I will be lucky to walk out of there. I won’t be wearing my AFO. I have given up on wearing it. At this point (2 years later), I don’t think it is doing me any favors.

I just am really down today. I watch the Pats game and that made me feel worse. They played like shit but somehow got the win. It was a very ugly game. Brady (quarterback) got sacked like 4 times. I think if he had better protection, the game would have been different.

I really am not looking forward to my birthday in a few days. I wish it was today just to get it over with. I just want the hoo-hah to be done with. I am not looking forward to having my family give me gifts when I didn’t get them anything for their birthday. And I know my cousins and aunts are just going to give me the “this is your birthday and Christmas gift” like they do every year. I always get stiffed. When I was a kid, I always got birthday AND Christmas presents. But I don’t give a fuck this year. Let them say this and I will just be thankful to have something. It’s better than nothing, right?