Writing

Saw my psychiatrist today. We talked about the depression and the sleep problems I have been having. She didn’t have any advice on how to deal. I am sleeping, just not on a normal schedule, whatever that is. She refilled my meds and when I went to pick them up at my pharmacy, I was shocked that the price was $0 for both of them! I like this!

I had my morning snicker’s latte. I wanted to write more than what I did but I had an errand to do before my appointment. I ended up writing while I was on the train ride home. I realized then that I need to buy a new journal. It’s almost half way through. The one that I really want is through Barnes and Noble. They have like a 500 page journal that I like. Maybe I will go to Kenmore my next pay period and see if they still have this journal. If not, I can always check online.

Since being let off of work because of my disability, I have written a lot more in my journals. They have become my saving grace, just like this blog has done. If you are struggling with mental illness, I encourage you to try and journal. It doesn’t have to be long. Just a short description about how your day went is sufficient or anything else that is troubling you. It really helps to express yourself this way, if you are able to do it. I know some people like art more than writing, and that is ok too.

I sent my psychiatrist my blog I wrote the other night when I was having the writing bug. She said she wants to see more of my “cathartic” writing so I am sending it to her. She really likes my writing and think it has improved. I don’t see it, but then I write something every day, even on days I don’t feel like writing.

I had another rough sleep session. I should have told my psychiatrist that my therapist thinks I am hypomanic again. But I know I am not so that is why I didn’t say anything. I am so tired all the time from not having a regular sleep schedule. If I was working, I would be in big trouble. Last night, as I was trying to get to sleep, my mother came into my room because there was a problem with her TV. The aggravation from that cost me a few minutes to calm down and get back to a comfy spot to sleep. My psych doesn’t know why I wake up before seven most days. I was just glad I was able to get a quad mocha before seeing her. I had a hard time getting up. If I didn’t have to get up, I probably would have slept longer. But I had woken up around 0230 and didn’t go back to sleep until an hour or so later. I have been trying not to play with my electronics when I get up. But it’s hard not checking my phone to see if messages have come through. I didn’t wake up in pain or anything, I just woke up, ready to face the day. Or in this case, the night. I had went to bed earlier than usual because the baseball game was in the afternoon. That is another one of my triggers. Going to bed before 2100. I almost always wake up between 2 and 4 if I sleep before 2100. I don’t nap during the day any more. I usually try and stay up as long as I can, even though right now it’s after 1700 and I want a nap very badly. Game is on at 1900 so I will probably listen to it till around 2100 or the end, which ever comes first. One of the games lasted two hours and fifteen minutes. It was the fastest game I ever heard. Course there was nothing going on, which made it fast. But the way that I am feeling right now, I don’t think I am going to make it to 2200. I can try, but I doubt it, unless I catch my second wind.

My mood has been up and down today. It was up during the morning when I was having “me” time but then turned sour when I had to do my errand. I had to get on buses and people are so rude. Then on the way home, a woman was half asleep on her seat. She was so hunched over, I thought she was going to fall over. It was sad. I felt bad for her. My foot also did not want to cooperate with me while walking home. At least two times, my foot dragged. I was turning my foot again, probably because it got fatigued. I no longer wear my AFO to prevent this from happening. My foot/ankle is really sore right now. It didn’t like all the walking I had to do. But I have to increase my walking so that I can be somewhat normal again. I hate being disabled. It’s one thing to be mentally disabled, but to be physically as well…just doesn’t bode well for the mind. I don’t know if the pain is going to get worse or not. Time can only tell. I already took one of my pain pills when I came home, which is probably why I am so sleepy.