Been thinking about what next to write. It has been difficult because I don’t really have an idea. My therapist suggested I write about my delusion I had when I was a teenager. But that is too painful to discuss. I hate when she plants a bug in my ear.
I been feeling pretty terrible the last couple of hours. I have been sleeping on and off to try and get rid of it but it hasn’t worked. I guess that jerk that told me to “get help” is still burning me up. I have been trying to escape by reading Harry Potter, but I can only read so much before I get bored. I get lost for a little bit and then I can’t concentrate anymore. I think it’s the depression that is making me feel this way.
I was tempted to get another session with my therapist for tomorrow but I backed off. Sometimes three in a row isn’t good. Friday is her birthday. I really wanted to see her today to wish her a happy birthday but think I will text her a lot Friday. I sent her a birthday letter rather than a card. I hate spending money on a card when it doesn’t say what I am looking for. I miss the mountain cards they used to have. They were cards that had a personal meaning. I always seemed to find one that fits. But I haven’t seen them in Walgreens in years. I think they might be at a Hallmark store. So instead of getting a card, I got sentimental and sent her a birthday letter. It’s kind of the opposite of the other letter I sent her with the lyrics of “Do I” by Luke Bryan. I was listening late at night the other night and her songs kept playing. It was “Do I” and “Whatever it is” by Zac Brown Band. I would have written up the lyrics to “Whatever it is” but the song drives me wild when I start thinking about my therapist that way.
Foot pain has been minimal the past few days, though it was worse Sunday. I couldn’t do anything. I am glad it has calmed down some. I have to deal with my father tomorrow. I shouldn’t be at his apartment for more than fifteen minutes. I usually just do his meds and then get out. I might check his mail for him and that is all. I don’t know what time I will be going over. I usually get there before noon, just in case he wants to go out. He gets impatient if I get there later in the afternoon. I just hope he is in a good mood or else my time there is going to suck.
I need to call my cousin. I haven’t spoken to her since February when the storms were great. We were supposed to get together afterwards but never did. I wish she wasn’t so far away from me. But she is accessible via commuter rail. I haven’t been talking to her because of my depressions and suicidality. It’s hard to make plans with someone when you feel like killing yourself.
midnightdemons7 