Today was not a good fucking day. I have been getting spoilers about Bones, an episode I haven’t watched and so I decided to watch today. Except I couldn’t because my damn mother didn’t allow it to be recorded! She wasn’t home where I could yell at her. I seriously contemplated cancelling cable because I was so angry. What the hell am I paying for if I don’t watch my damn shows? They are in the evening most of the time and don’t interfere with my mother’s shows. But lately she has been watching TV later. Instead of changing TVs she just decided to change my channel and be done with it. I am so pissed and there is nothing I can do about it because the episode won’t air again till like December! By then I will know what had happened. Maybe I can watch the episode on Hulu or something. But I am damned pissed that my mother would do this.
Then I had therapy and I didn’t want to talk, at all. She didn’t understand why I was so upset. She didn’t understand the technology behind the recordings and such and I was too mad to explain it to her. During the session, I got two fucking phone calls. I was wicked annoyed because my phone NEVER rings unless I am on the phone with someone or I am literally away from my phone. Then we got on the subject of my father and that made me even more upset because the ding dong doesn’t understand that he has to take fucking three pills tonight and he only has two in his box. I tried explaining that he has to take another pill and got fucking no where. I was damned if I was going to make a trip over there to settle his pills. My therapist asked when do I get a vacation from my family. I don’t. Since being disabled, I am home the majority of the time so it’s easy to pawn things off on me. I don’t mind watching my niece every now and then because I know she isn’t going to be small that much longer. Pretty soon she will be going to school and to home on her own. These days of watching her will be over and I will be sad. But the other stuff, getting groceries when I don’t feel good and dealing with an immature father, I can do without.
One of my favorite DJs is now in the middle of my state. I tried getting him on an app today that he recommended but the stupid thing kept crashing. I gave up after the third try. I might uninstall and re-install but I am too annoyed right now to try it. It took nearly 10 minutes for it to install, over wifi. I don’t know why my internet is slow. Sometimes it’s fast and other times it’s slow as molasses. Probably would have been faster on my phone data.
I went to Starbucks today and had a new drink, a caramel mocha. It’s usually salted but I can do without the salt. It was pretty sweet so next time I might cut the pumps. I was still in a cranky mood when I got there so I just wrote in my journal. I wanted to catch the 1542 bus but I was writing so much I lost track of time. The 1607 bus never showed up so I had to wait for the 1630. I thought of complaining but I really wasn’t up for it. I had tweeted to the MBTA so much over the last few months they probably have me blocked by now. There is always a problem in the Square with the bus going home. It’s usually late most of the time. I don’t know if it is because it gets stuck on the turn around or what. Or the bus driver just screws off, not doing the route entirely. Either way, it’s annoying as hell because I never know when I am going to get home.
As I was aggravated in therapy, my therapist asked what my psychache was. I told her I didn’t know. She then asked if I filled out the questionnaire. Apparently she never got the memo that I stopped doing the questionnaires when I became disabled. Might have stopped before then but I don’t remember. I know my journals for the past three years have not included the scale. It’s hard to differentiate psychological pain when you are in physical pain every day. You just hurt.
midnightdemons7 