Saturday blog 7.12.19

I had my MRIs done today. It was an hour and a half long and I forgot my meds to take when I got there. I did surprisingly ok. Right now as of 1830 today, I have 53 hours till results. I am wicked nervous about it. I think the hard part was the MRI.

I have made a semi decision. Weather is going to be nice beginning of the week. If the doc days I need surgery, I am going to tell him I will think on it and then end things in the next few days. If everything is hunky dory, then I don’t do anything. I might still go through with it. I don’t know. So much to ponder. I haven’t kept a good promise to myself to end things this year. I guess the therapist is right and I am too scared to die. No other reason. Guess being a failure at kill myself is what I will always be.

any thoughts?

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