Euphoria hit me today

Just got my haircut. Little boy on the bus was staring at me and I was wondering if he was thinking I was a boy or girl and had to stop myself. I am a boy and I nearly wept as my chest was throbbing. The euphoria was finally hitting me. I wondered if I would ever feel it since my mother’s death. I looked at my photo I took and posted on an FTM support groups. A member said they see a grown man, complete with a male hairline. I am losing my hair and the pic kind of looks like a comb over that my sister pointed out. I don’t care. I still think I look good. I have issues with my body. My stomach is giving me such dysphoria since the binders have been off. I haven’t gained weight but I haven’t lost any either, which is frustrating. I have been cutting calories to no effect. I know I haven’t been active either but it’s a slippery slope with my foot. Any big active days such as walking more than 5 blocks hurts me. My limit is 0.4 miles, anything more than that and I am in pain.

Today has been a rough day due to headaches. I woke up a couple times after dreaming with them. I told my psychiatris about it and he doesn’t have answers. I need to see a neurologist. I had one. I need to call to see if I still do. I had a skipped appt with her back when I was catatonic so don’t know if they kicked me out because of it. It has been thundering and downpouring the past couple of hours so my head hurts. Not sure if it is a migraine or not. I need a nap. I am tired.

My internet was not connecting well today so m psychiatrist called me. We talked about meds. He wants to play with my Latuda and I told him we could but I could become psychotic again with a lower dose or stopping it. He wants to bring the Effexor dose up but until I have my neuro appt, he is holding off.

Gonna stop here. My head is hurting too much.