Not having a good day so here is a golden puppy
Sunday Blog 12122021
I didn’t do much today. I have been feeling tired and kind of moody. I have been avoiding my sister because she misgendered me again last night as she threw my name into a fight she was having with my mother. Apparently all I do is sleep all day and leave a mess around the house. She also doesn’t believe I suffer from pain. She doesn’t care.
My bladder has been hurting me all day today. After every cath, I have been having pain. I am debating on getting another UA/C+S but will be crushed if it is negative again. Urine has been clear so I think it will be negative. I have no urge today so I just been going on a timer or feeling full. I finally moved my bowels this morning. I almost didn’t make it to the bathroom in time. It was a close call.
I did my meds for the week. I am pretty stocked for at least a month for most of my meds. I just worry about the unexpected expense of something like an antibiotic or my PRN meds. Only med that I need refilled is my lorazepam. I meet with my psychiatrist this week so will get it done then. He doesn’t give me refills like my previous psych so I got to ask for it every month. I need to tell him about these frozen feelings where I feel like I can’t move. I don’t know if it is a symptom of PTSD or a side effect of medication. I hope I remember.
I am listening to Taylor’s Red (TV) and Reputation albums. Eventually I will listen to all of her songs. Her birthday is tomorrow. I can’t wait to wish her a happy birthday.
Saturday Blog 11122021
My med alarm went off and I shut if off but didn’t take my meds. I went back to sleep. I got up around 12 and took them. Then I made something to eat and had two cups of coffee. I am really tired today and my legs feel like lead. It’s raining so I won’t be going to the grocery store. My brother in law bought the milk for us and then my mother asked where the eggs were. She didn’t tell me to get eggs.
I sent a text to my BFFL and he responded. He told me he is on meds and my heart broke. It is killing me seeing him hurt this much. We are going to try and get together next week. I hope it happens. I haven’t seen him since my father’s wake. It will be good to see him again, maybe even see his kid. He called me and we talked. I miss him so much.
I need to shower. It has been almost a week since I last took one. I am afraid to take one when I am this tired because I tend to get out of breath easily. It takes so much effort to shower. People don’t realize it until they are sick. I used to tell my psych all the time how much energy it took for me to get ready and she didn’t really believe me until she was recovering from a broken hip.
I have to set an alarm today for cathing because I have no urge to go. Yesterday I was going like every 2 to 3 hours. Sometimes I had to void because I had a strong urge to go. Just sucks that every day is different than the day before. I have been having bladder pain the past few days and I am trying really hard to resist the urge to check my urine for infection again.
Gonna go take a shower and wear my new PJs and Red Sox shirt. I don’t have to bother shaving because I am letting my hair grow out, least until I get it cut again.
Fatigue continues
I had a difficult night sleeping. I had a bad dream where my molester was at my house and I was accusing him of abuse, which he denied. Then he got so mad he tried to kill me. I woke up very scared and it took me a while to get back to sleep. I then had to pee and I must have been holding on to the pee longer than I thought because then my abdomen started hurting after I was empty. I managed to go back to sleep and slept till a little after 8. I used the bathroom again and it was the same thing. I was very full and my bladder hurt when I was empty. I didn’t drink that much during the time I was awake. I was careful not to. I took my morning meds when I came back to my room and then went back to sleep again. I woke up a little after 12 and I was so damn tired. I wanted to go to the grocery store to exchange a coffee but I fear the trip will wear me out too much so I don’t want to go.
I also have been having frozen moments where I feel like I can’t move. Like I am stuck. I don’t know if it a symptom of PTSD or a side effect of the medication I take. I got to talk to my psychiatrist about it when I see him on Tues. I also need to ask him if he would give me a 90 day supply of the Latuda as it is the most expensive medication that I take and it will a lot when I have to pay again next year. I got to budget my meds until I reach $300 deductible. I have six meds that I get at the retail pharmacy. The rest are mail order. If I can get the Latuda on mail order that would be good because it is $140 for 90 days.
I took a double dose of Miralax today because it has been days since I moved my bowels. I am getting so backed up. When I got up, I had two cups of coffee and sometimes that triggers me to go to the bathroom but lately it hasn’t done it. I will double dose until I go and then go back to regular dosing. I take this with Gatorade and it just seems like the stuff takes away the flavor and just leaves the sugary taste behind. That is all that I feel like I am drinking, sugar.
Usually after every shower, I take a selfie and post it. I do this so there is a record of when I last showered as I usually don’t remember. It has been five days since I last took one so I might end up taking one tonight before bed. I stopped shaving the back of my head and sides so I am just going to let it grow. Yesterday I was going to see my barber but I used the money to get the keys to the house as my mother didn’t have the full amount to pay for them. I canceled my appointment but will go sometime next week.
Shoulder is really hurting so when I went downstairs to put my dinner in the oven, I heated up the heat pack. It helped a little bit but caused my neck to hurt. So now when I go back downstairs, I need to put heat on my neck. I am making a beef pot pie for dinner and hope I don’t burn myself again. I have not had luck with these pies. The first one, I got a 2nd degree burn and the last one I made, I burned my finger. Think I got to wear oven mitts when taking the pie out of the oven and when I transfer it to a plate.
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