The shipping box for my new laptop came today. Now I just have to drop it off at FedEx to ship it. This will give me a chance to go to my old Starbucks hang out in Wellington. I hope that I can take my sister’s car tonight to drop it off, otherwise it will have to be tomorrow morning.
So far my day is going ok despite my allergies flaring up. I have had two sneeze attacks since getting up at noon. I woke up at three-thirty in the morning and fell asleep around six. I slept for about six hours. But I was productive during the early morning hours. I got to work on my book (nothing triggering) and came up with at least six pages. I am excited because this line of writing will be at least fifteen or so pages, if I am able to keep it up.
I am feeling less depressed than I was yesterday. I have more energy and I hope this isn’t a crash before a fall. I still am worried that I am going to lose my data on my laptop. But seeing that I have what I need, my blogs and book, I am not so worried. I have my music on my phone that I can always back up and Amazon has all my music is on cloud. The rest of the music is on CDs (actual CDs not CDRs) so I can always make copies of those to put it back on my phone if need be. It is weird working on my old laptop. I forgot how different the keyboard is. I am just hoping that I don’t have any more blue screens of death or that my monitor screen get funky.
This week is National Suicide prevention week. I think there was a chat on twitter about it that AFSP and Mayo clinic were holding. I wanted to see what it was about but I missed it. I don’t usually say anything, unless they discuss treatment options. Then I will put in my two cents about Jobes’s CAMS and the Aeschi model. More clinicians need to be aware of these two similar modes of therapy if they ever want to get the suicide rates down. Course the biggest hurdle is actually getting the person the help he/she needs before they act. I know it wasn’t easy for me to reach out and get the help I needed in the beginning. It took me several calls to Samaritans before I ever saw my first therapist. And I only saw a therapist after I tried to kill myself because I felt like no one would believe me otherwise. I was an intelligent teen and didn’t seem to have any behavior problems so I just felt like they wouldn’t believe me. I felt that if I cut my wrist, it would give me more creditability. After all, my own mother didn’t believe me when I told her I was suicidal. And it took the school nurse to convince her that I needed help.
There were no anti-suicide campaigns at my high school, least none that I recall. I know now they have a counseling center as well as a health center at the school, thanks in part to the movies they have made around the school and other donations. I don’t know how I got through high school as I was extremely depressed and suicidal. But I guess part of it is the connection I made with the school nurse. After I had my problems, I saw her nearly every day just to say hi and chat for a few minutes. I think those chats were the most helpful.
While I was up in the wee hours of the morning writing, I was also reading a little bit in the Comprehensive Textbook of Suicidology. I wanted to see if they had anything about “suicide careers” by Ronald Maris. And to my surprise it did. I don’t know why I wrote this book off. It also has Shneidman’s ten commonalities of suicide. I also included that in my chapter that I am writing. I think I will make what I am writing a blog post. It will be long as already it is almost seven pages or I could just write about it separately. I haven’t decided yet what I am going to do. But I am glad that I don’t have to go searching for “pathway to suicide” by Maris to find the definition of “suicide career”. The way he defines it, is a lifelong depressing road that ultimately leads to completed suicide. In the book, he uses Sylvia Plath as an example.
In finding this little tidbit of information, I feel energized to continue writing a book that talks about the newer age treatment of suicide rather than the old. I talk about my experiences and hope that one day someone will read my book and not feel so alone. Maybe they will have attempting, maybe they have been thinking about it. I will never know.
midnightdemons7 