ramblings 18

Listening to Taylor’s new cd, again, for the millionth time as I am typing this. I did’t do too much today. I went to Walgreens to pick up my prescription and then came home. I just took a much needed shower a few minutes ago. It felt good. I don’t feel too wiped out but my left foot is buzzing like a bee.

I’m still feeling depressed though I don’t know why. I was watching an episode of CSI NY and it go me crying. I don’t know why I am so weepy. I tried to keep back the tears but I just couldn’t. I am glad my mother was in the kitchen and not watching with me.

Got to hang out with my niece today as her father was out doing errands. I ordered us some steak tip dinner and we had that. I like it but she just ate more fries than steak. Kids will do that.

I started thinking about a new paper to write but nothing other than one sentence is popping in my head to move it along. I am not much in the writing mood today. I still feel really down. I wish I could shake it off but I just can’t seem to. The question is “do you have to feel misery and suffer to be happy”? I don’t know how to approach answering this.

 

A friend has suggested spirituality to write about. I don’t have any. I lost my faith when I was a teenager and have not gotten it back. I lost my faith because a priest told me that if I went to church every week for a year my life would changed. It changed but not in the way I was expecting. Having my family fall apart and my mother getting beat up almost every night was not what I wanted to happen. I hated myself for believing in something that wasn’t real. Now I am an atheist. I do not believe in god. I believe in a higher power but I don’t think that the two are related. Some would argue that they are but I am sure that they are different.

any thoughts?

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