Just put me in a barrel and let me roll with life. It’s not always a bad thing but the key is that I can’t always control it!
I don’t know why I found this statement touching. I just feel like it’s so true. How many times have we wished we could just roll in a barrel and see where it takes us. As much as we want to control our lives sometimes we can’t. It’s like Carrie Underwood’s song, “Jesus take the wheel”. We are in a situation that we can’t control so we put it in a higher power’s hands as we go down the road in a car that is spinning out of control on black ice.
Today I have some difficult decisions to make over the next few days but one thing that keeps on coming back to me as an option is killing myself because I just can’t control the barrel anymore. Things from my past keep coming up and I hope that once I deal with it I will be able to have better control but a part of me just wants to end it because that is the easier way out of it. I won’t have to deal with anything if I am dead. But I am trying to make mends so that doesn’t happen. My back up plan on life will always be there, I just have no control over the thoughts that lead me down that road…
midnightdemons7 
Goodness, I was taken aback by your second paragraph which seemed to contrast so severely with the acceptance and light of the first.
Without in any way wishing to deny how awful you might be feeling right now I do hope you find a way of staying in the barrel. Voices such as yours are important in the world – which sometimes tries to manufacture a tyranny of false postivity. I wish you renewed hope and purpose. Be well and happy. Things change.
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