Feeling like a lucky SOB

Feeling like a lucky SOB

I saw my psychiatrist today. We had a good chat about things. I told her that I got the consent from the two guys that wrote the Building a Therapeutic Alliance book. She was happy and can’t wait to get my autograph when my book comes out. She said she is going to buy it so I can sign it. That kind of sealed how much confidence she has in me and my writing. I told her I hope that my book is as successful as we are thinking it to be. But I keep holding myself in check and tell myself that if I sell 100 copies, I will be happy.

As I was walking to the station, I was thinking about Dr. Michel and realized, I am a lucky SOB to have these wonderful suicidologists from around the world interested in my work and not only that, to wish it success. I really can’t believe it. But I have the emails to prove it. I told my psych today that I think the summary that I wrote to Dr. Michel is going to be the blurb on the back.

Right now my foot is throbbing really bad. It was raining today so the benches that I normally sit on to wait for the bus were nice and wet. I had to stand and walk around a bit while waiting for the bus. To say that I stood too long is an understatement. I had more than a half hour’s time at the Square waiting for the bus and there were no seats available until one of the buses came. My bus didn’t come for another twenty minutes. Plus, when I got there, there was a homeless or other mentally disturbed person laying on the bench and cops were around him. I don’t know what the deal was but they carted him off in an ambulance. Later when I walked over because it was the only space vacant, I saw what the guy did. He burned circles in the wooden bench. Jerk.

I still feel upbeat though not in a euphoric kind of way. Just in a content kind of way. I am hoping to work on my second book today. I really want to get something done while my mood and energy levels permit it. I can’t stand and clean my office. I think I am done going up and down the stairs today, well, only if I don’t have to use the bathroom, then I can stay in my room with my foot up. I was telling my psych about the PTSD I was experiencing after the fall I took and how terrified I was that CES was happening again. I asked if that is ever going away and she said probably not. Great. I guess if I had it the one time, I might have been ok in recovering from it and not have PTSD so bad. But having CES twice and in the same leg really did a number on me mentally. Even as I was talking about it, I was getting all wired up and had to focus to stay grounded. She asked if I was still taking the Ativan and I told her I was. I had to because I am still experiencing side effect from the abilify. I need this med to keep the voices away. And I rather deal with my arms and legs feeling like stretched out elastics than to hear voices and be paranoid and delusional.

I finally got my hair cut today. The stylist didn’t cut my hair the length I wanted. I didn’t realize that until I came home. I am going to need another cut in two weeks time now, rather than four. No matter, I will go to my barber’s shop by then rather than back to Supercuts.