annoyed

My day started out early as usual. I am getting used to getting up before five these days but today it was because of pain and bladder was full. I try not to drink before going to bed but it’s not easy as I have a ton of meds to take and I can’t dry swallow them. I need some liquid to wash them down.

I am in an irritable mood. My foot still hurts and I am just cranky. I thought of getting coffee down at my sister’s but I really don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want my coffee and go back up to my room where it’s nice and quiet. I spend most of my time up in my room though today is mostly going to be a sleep day as I just took some more pain meds. I did too much the last two days and am now paying for it.

Saw my psychiatrist yesterday and we talked about my book anxieties. I feel better now knowing that my editor wants to edit my book as I gave her two chapters and she loved it. One worry down. I also printed off another copy of my manuscript so I can go over it and make changes to it if I feel there need to be. I know there is one section that I want to work on, namely the introduction. My therapist thinks there should be an Epilogue but I am not there yet. Besides, who writes an Epilogue for a memoir? She is going to drive me crazy, more than what I already am. I think she is just excited that I wrote a book after years of telling me to and it finally happened.

Yesterday I was feeling contentment. Today I am just depressed. I just want to sleep and do nothing. I put my status on Facebook that I would work on my short story but I am not that depressed. I need to be in a really dark place to write the short story and I just am not there. FUCK my mother just turned on the living room TV. I might not sleep as much as I want to after all. I am getting annoyed and irritated. And if I just didn’t pop two pain pills, I would be out the door, freezing my ass off for the bus. I really can’t think when I am trying to concentrate but I am hearing LOUD noises downstairs. Then she wonders why I don’t use my office! I swear if my book becomes successful, I am going to rent an office space and just have a table and a chair, maybe a Keurig machine and write there. It will get me out of the house and I will be able to work on my stories without interruption. I won’t have the internet which will not be a distraction and then I can come home and publish what I wrote. Dream world fantasy, I know but it is what it is.

I have been thinking about this story now for days and nothing new has surfaced with it. I think it is done and now I have to wonder if it will be part of my book or not. I have to check to see if I wrote about Hyde. If I did, I will include it in the chapter or the next chapter. So many decisions.

I still need to write something for my short story. I just don’t know where to go. I have never written a plot before or anything like that. But when I do, I will post it on my blog so you guys can read it. I told my psychiatrist about it and I was thankful she didn’t want me to send it to her because I was fearful she would call me out of concern or worse, hospitalize me.

It’s a windy day. House is shaking every time the wind blows. Just wonderful. Add it to my annoyance today. I feel like every time it blows it’s like the big bad wolf huffing and puffing trying to blow the house down. Oh, and to add more to my annoyance, my cell network is doing work in my area. I have not been able to get more than 2 bars in my house since it started. Sometimes I don’t have service in the house at all or outside the house. I tweeted a complaint but never got a response, nor was I expecting one. I have been with the same company now for over ten years. I like them for the most part. Except for right now when I have practically no service in some parts of the house!! I just hope that it clears up by Tuesday when I have my next therapy appointment. Going to be mighty difficult doing talk therapy via text!