I laid down a little while ago to try and get some sleep but my foot had other plans. It feels like it has been submerged in ice cold water and then thawed out. I feel like every nerve fiber, neuron, and nerve bundle is firing all at once. I am in agony and there is nothing I can take for it except to wait it out. The funny thing is that I take Cymbalta which is supposedly a neuropathic medication used to treat this type of pain. Either I am on too low a dose or it just doesn’t work for me. I just want to sleep and I am itching on despair.
I didn’t think this would happen. I thought I would be in physical pain, bone crushing pain, not nerve pain tonight. I hate feeling so helpless as my foot is hurting and there is nothing I can take for it. I just have to wait for it to calm down on its own. If it was just one part of my foot, I could put a gel on it but the pain is ALL over my foot and I can’t put that much gel on my foot. I will get it everywhere and I don’t know if it will be effective. Nerve pain sucks!!!!
I am deeply frustrated that there is nothing I can do but suffer. This is why I become suicidal because my situation is hopeless. There is no end to this pain. The only way to stop the pain is to end my life. And I want to so bad. But my family needs me, least I think they do. My sister has been depending on me more to take care of her younger daughter as I have been babysitting more. I am supposed to be up in five hours to take my sister’s car so that I can transport my father to his medical appointment. I don’t know if I can survive a day on five hours of sleep. This just totally sucks. and I feel like I should just end things. My life would be better off if I were dead. People don’t understand that being in chronic pain sucks. Least with cancer, you know there is going to be an end. But with chronic pain there is no terminus. It just goes on and on.
My foot is still swollen from today’s activities. I won’t be walking too much tomorrow, thank goodness. I know I overdid it today and that is why I am hurting. Seems that whenever I think I can go back to work I will have a night like this to remind me that I can no longer work an eight hour shift. I don’t even know if I will be able to work half a shift. I miss my coworkers though. I would love to be able to return to my old job but I don’t think I can physically do that type of work anymore. It just sucks. But maybe by not being here anymore I don’t have to worry about working at all or about my finances and being broke all the time. Having complex regional pain syndrome really does stink. and pain flare ups are the worse.
midnightdemons7 