I am not having a good day. My day has been nothing but interrupted sleep and pain. Because my sister’s back went out on her last night, I kept my phone on in case she needed something from me. Now today, my back is hurting me, most likely due to change in temp. It was in the 60’s yesterday and in the 80s today. My back just can’t handle that kind of change.
I am so tired of being in pain. I know my mother suffers from chronic back pain as well. It runs in the family. But I am the one that has had four surgeries. Aren’t I the lucky one? I guess you can say that because of my having surgeries and still being in pain, my family is afraid to have surgery or even see a doc for their pain.
I have been trying to get a hold of my aunt that so desperately wants to talk with me but I can’t seem to get a hold of her. Oh well. I guess she will contact me when she is ready to. I miss talking with her.
I went and got my Starbucks today. My favorite barista was not there. She is very cute. But we don’t say anything more than a hello and how are you. That is usually all we have time for as the place is very busy. I brought my Experiences of Depression book with me today and was working on writing out the stuff I highlighted. It’s a laborious process as the text I highlighted are more like paragraphs. But it helps to write it out so I can give it some context to what I am reading. It actually makes sense now that I got past the Freudian stuff. Soon as I finish writing out what I highlighted so far, I will go back to reading the book. I am on chapter 2 so far.
I realized today that I wrote two contradictory blogs yesterday. One I was saying I wasn’t suicidal and the other one written a few hours later stated I was, well that I wanted to be dead. Pain will do that to me if it is consistent enough. I hope that my back pain isn’t consistent. I really was hurting today on the way home from my “happy” place. Then I had to pick up my niece and my walking pace turned almost to a crawl. I was still hunched over in pain. I took one of my pain meds so I should be ok for the next few hours. The pain was bad as it was going down my legs and my right leg felt weak. My mother wanted me to buy eggs but there was no way for me to bend down and get them as they are on the bottom shelf. Kind of stupid place to put eggs, if you ask me.
midnightdemons7 