Not too happy right now

Not too happy right now

I saw my PCP and he gave me advice I didn’t want to hear, that I should ice and rest my foot/ankle until it gets better. I wanted to say, “You fink, I have been doing that”!! But now that my leg is involved and he saw how swollen it is, I am grounded. I was supposed to meet up with friends tomorrow and it looks like I will have to cancel. I am so fucking aggravated.

I might sneak out anyway to see my friend from NM. It depends on how I feel, but I really feel guilty about not seeing my other friends. Either trip is going to cause me pain. I just hate myself all the more.

I saw my pdoc. I have until Wed to make a decision about the hospital. I told her I wanted to talk to my therapist first and see what she thinks. But now with this rest rule in place, I just don’t know. Yes, the hospital will allow me to rest my leg but they don’t have my bed and I am not carrying my wedge to take with me so they can mess with it. I will just stay in my room anyway, propped up on pillows, though their beds suck big time. They psych wards do not have standard issue hospital beds. It’s more like half a bunk bed that is stationary on the floor so you can’t move it and then a thin mattress to sleep on. Does wonders for people with back problems like myself. And the pillows are worse. I usually take one of my pillows with me as I cannot sleep on a soft pillow.

On the one happy note for today, is that I got my books. They just arrived not too long after I started this blog. I am hoping to donate at least 4 of them to local libraries and submit 2 for review for the American Association of Suicidology. They require two copies be sent for review.

Just got two texts that say severe thunderstorms and a tornado warning has just been issued. Hope that doesn’t mean the Sox game will be postponed. I need something to do tonight. Last night I decided to finally watch a Harry Potter movie and my laptop’s DVD player crapped out on me. I watched like half the movie when it went. I was so mad. I am going to try playing it on Windows Media Player next time and see if that works. I don’t know if it’s the software program I use or the DVD player itself.

I so need a nap. I think I will try and get one in soon.