Morning Blog 2

Morning Blog 2

I just woke up and had the itch to write. It’s thundering and lightening out so it is making it hard to go back to sleep. Just when I get nice and comfy, a big thunder rolls. Most unpleasant. If it is going to rain, I don’t think I will go out. This will be the fourth day that I have not left my room for more than a half hour at a time. I really would like to go out and get a caramel macchiato again. Hopefully this is just morning stuff and will end by the afternoon.

I reluctantly have therapy today. I wanted to cancel but she kept me in her book and by the time rolled around for me to actually send her a message I didn’t want to talk, it was too late. Damn 24 hour rule!! I might as well see if I could get out of Wednesday. I want to go to Starbucks early so I can have time to write without feeling pressured to hurry up and get the next bus home. I really want to make a cup of coffee at home but if I do, I know that I won’t go out for my java. I really don’t want to spend another day in the house. I am getting antsy.

Yesterday, while going through some old mail, I came across an old notepad. I brought it to my room so I could read it. It had a couple of suicide notes in it. I was surprised that I wrote a note to my psychiatrist. It was written in Nov of 2013. I must have really been in a rut because I don’t remember this time period. But then, given what I wrote in this notepad, it sounds pretty bad. I wrote and then like always, I don’t remember what I wrote. I get all the “bad” feelings out.

I just had breakfast, country style scrambled egg with cheese on toast. It’s the easiest thing I know how to make and it’s quick. I had extra cheese on it today because there was a slice left in the package and I didn’t want it to be alone. I love cheese. Only cheese I don’t like is Blue cheese. I like the blue cheese dressing but not the real blue cheese. I haven’t tried all cheese as my family isn’t that extravagant when it comes to cheese. I have had the opportunity to try goat cheese, Brie, and Gouda. I would buy them but I fear they would be moldy as I am not good at eating them every day and then when I do remember, a few weeks have gone by.

I am nervous about tonight’s ball game. They have a new rookie pitcher starting tonight against the Skankees. My fear is that he is going to be blown out of the water as he has trouble with walks. I will try and watch the game so I can see where the strike zone is. Different umps have different strike zones this year. Some have wide ones, tight ones, regular ones. It all depends on the umpire. But the thing is, they are consistent in their callings, usually, which annoys both batter and pitcher. I wish the young kid good luck. He is facing a tough line up and the Skanks always seem to score in the first inning. I hope that doesn’t happen tonight.

I don’t have a lot going on this week, as usual. Just therapy and dealing with my father with his meds. I also got to pick up my niece the same day I deal with my father. It’s going to be a long day. My pdoc is on vacation and I am glad because that means I don’t have to go into town.

any thoughts?

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