Month: November 2021

not sleeping due to pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, chronic physical pain, depression

Not sleeping due to pain

Yesterday I was in bed all day sleeping. I was expecting to wake up around 1am feeling ready to go but the only thing ready to go this time around was my bladder. My arm was sore but after I woke up and used the bathroom it felt better. I didn’t stay awake too long. I just looked at my messages and then went back to sleep. I woke up again around 4 in mega pain this time. My arm and shoulder were hurting so bad. I sat up to try and alleviate some of the pain. I didn’t want to take anything because usually moving it helps to ease the pain. I did take some ibuprofen. I was hungry but I didn’t want to go downstairs to make something to eat. I thought about making coffee but it was really early. Pain settled down enough so I laid back down and slept for another hour or two until my med alarm went off. I shut it off but I didn’t take my meds. I just rested till around 10 when I couldn’t take the pain anymore. I used the bathroom and then made coffee.

I was hungry but I didn’t know what I wanted to make. It was either cheesy scrambled eggs or a bacon sandwich. I took my meds and thoughts it over. I decided to make bacon as that would require less movement. I also made another cup of coffee.

I had therapy today and was all over the place with talking about my BFF’s situation and how I felt about it and losing my second mother. I was more emotional as I talked about it. I almost started crying. My arm was throbbing as I finished my third cup of coffee. I told her my Thanksgiving plans and how much I was looking forward to the turkey and cranberry sauce. It is my favorite holiday. She asked what self-care I planned on using during this time. I said I would shower more and color. I told her I have been reading more than coloring. I also was writing to get things out. I told her I had support on Twitter which has developed over the past six months or so.

I told my mother I would make dinner tonight but after my shower my arm flared up big time and I am in agony. I told her I couldn’t cook. Now I don’t know what I am going to have for dinner. I might have a bowl of cereal. I bought Oreo cereal and it is pretty good. It is all I ate yesterday. One bowl of cereal for the entire day. It is all I wanted to eat. I haven’t been having more than one meal a day for the past couple of weeks. I am just not hungry. But today I will be having two meals as the cereal will be my second meal of the day. I might have cookies to top it off.

Puppy pic

by Midnight Demon, posted in depression

Golden retriever puppy

Saturday blog 20112021

by Midnight Demon, posted in depression

Saturday Blog 20112021

I had woken up early because my nitwit sister was vacuuming the downstairs before 8 am. WTF I got up to use the bathroom and take my meds. I then went back to sleep once the vacuuming stopped. I just didn’t want to get up. I woke up a couple of hours later with my arm killing me. I had to get up. I decided I wanted oatmeal to eat with my coffee. It was cold out on the porch where the oatmeal was. My mother was yelling at me to shut the door.

I brushed my teeth and shaved after I had breakfast. I went up to my room not realizing I left my phone in the kitchen. Rats! I went back downstairs to get it. I turned on my music player so I could listen to Taylor. I have been listening to her all week. I really love the new songs.

Hard to believe November is almost over with. Next week is Turkey Day. I cannot wait. It is my favorite holiday. I am grateful I have another year with my mother, even though she drives me crazy. I plan on making butternut squash. I would love to make my pumpkin poke cake but I would be the only one to eat it. And it takes up too much room in the fridge because it needs to be there. My cousin said she will be making a pumpkin bread and will be sharing some with me. I love pumpkin bread. I get it from Starbucks every time I get a drink there.

I need to put some heat on my arm today. I don’t know what else to do for it. I just made another cup of coffee while I was in the kitchen. My mother needed her glasses. I gave them to her while it was brewing. I really don’t know what I want to do today. My psychiatrist encouraged me to write my trans memoir but I don’t know what to write about anymore. I think I am up to thirty pages or so. I just don’t know where to go. I should read it and maybe write more on something. I don’t have chapters or anything. It is all in one document things that I thought to write like how I came out and stuff with my mother accepting me, the misgendering. I included some blogs that I wrote about transgender. I might look in my “don’t call me daughter” blogs and see if I should add another one. Trouble is some of the blogs start off with transgender stuff and then I get off tangent.

another day being tired

by Midnight Demon, posted in depression

Another day of being tired

I slept for most of the day as I was tired. I got up early, like around 9 to have coffee and then I went back to bed and slept till around 1330. I got up and had a bowl of cereal. I needed to pick up my meds so I just put on my sneakers and went in my PJs. I didn’t care. My PJs were plaid so it was “presentable”. There was a line but it was moving, which was good. It was cold out but I didn’t need a jacket. A sweatshirt was all I needed.

I came home and was out of breath. I stopped in the kitchen to have some water and then made another cup of coffee to try and fight the fatigue I am feeling. I just want to stay in bed. I don’t want to do a damn thing. I was in so much pain last night that I didn’t think I was going to sleep. I kept waking up to use the bathroom and each time I stayed up a little bit because I couldn’t go back to sleep right away.

I am not in a lot of pain today but my arm hurts. My ankle is better than it was last night. I didn’t take off the socks when I came home from the pharmacy. I couldn’t be bothered plus it will help keep my feet warm as they have a tendency to get cold on me for no reason. I feel comfortable with them on so as long as they don’t overheat my feet, they will stay on.