Tag: baseball

rambling 50

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, chronic physical pain, depression

I have not done much today except to go to Walgreens to pick up a prescription. I have slept most of the day. I am trying to convince myself to take a shower but not sure if my ankle is going to cooperate.

I am very happy that the Sox are now the American League East Division champions. It was awesome watching them play last night and celebrate afterwards. We still have a while to go before the playoffs start but it’s nice to know we clinched the division. There are eight more games in the regular season. They just need six games to win to make 100 wins overall.

I got a tremendous headache today. It is hard for me to think. I am so tired, even though I just woke up from a nap. I needed to rest today because my ankle just wasn’t going to have it any other way. Even with me icing it last night it was still painful.

I am still feeling depressed and a little suicidal. I swear I am never not going to feel suicidal. I came across a blog last night that I thought was very idiotic about suicide. This person really got me going. I thought about purchasing her book just so I could harshly review it but thought better of it and didn’t. I commented on the blog and am waiting for “moderation”. So far I have not had any response, nor do I expect there to be. I like to think of myself as an expert in suicide because I have read extensively on the subject as well as written about it and suffer from it. This woman supposedly does as well but thinks there are neural pathways that cause us to think that way. I never heard of anything like it and I guess if it’s not related to Shneidman or Jobes, it’s all whacked out stuff. I am biased to those that are actually in the field of suicidology and to the researchers that I have read over and over or come across over and over. I don’t know what she is basing her theory on but I have a feeling it is hogwash.

Well baseball game is going to start and I think I want to take a shower before I lose all interest in it all together.

Rambling 48

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging

Just finished watching my Sox defeat the Yankees. So sweet. Lester pitched good.

I was hoping to do some soul searching today but I am wicked cranky. It took me forever to get to my Starbucks today because I didn’t look at the bus schedule and had to wait almost 45 minutes for the next bus because I missed the one I thought was at 10:40. There is no longer a 10:40 bus on Saturday! OOPS. I then walked down College Ave, which is probably like 1/8th of a mile to reach the next bus stop. I made it there in plenty of time to catch the 12:30 bus back home. There was a lot of traffic on Broadway today so bus was kind of late. More waiting around and of course I was standing for most of it. My ankle just “loves” me right now (being wicked sarcastic here). I came home to listen to the ball game but wanted to watch it instead so made the trip down the stairs and tried to put my feet up the best I could. It wasn’t easy as the announcers on FOX suck and I kept on getting aggravated.

It is cool today so I have the ceiling fan off for the first time all summer. I am feeling low despite the win today. I don’t know why. Probably because I have cramps and I know I am going to be hurting later today, possibly. I never know I did too much until later in the evening when I want to settle down and go to sleep. Seems like nerve pain always waits until then to bother you.

I am having trouble remembering what I did with a book I need to write about Aeschi model. I want to read a little of it but can’t fricken remember which bag I last had it in and I am too tired to go perusing. I guess I could just go to the Aeschi website and read from there as a last resort.

This morning on twitter Mayo Clinic had a suicide chat talk. I missed it because I didn’t get up till after it was over, which is too bad because I was very interested to see what Dr. Tim Lineberry had to say. He was one of the docs that has worked with David Jobes in using the SSF (suicide status form) on inpatient units. I met him last year at the annual conference for the AAS. He is an ok guy. He was one of the moderators for the Aeschi workshop I attended. But you could tell, suicide was not his favorite type of subject. It is just an occupational hazard, least that is my impression of him. I think the transcript is online somewhere and I might just check it out.

I have told my writing partner that I am just going to take Saturdays off from writing because there are too many games to watch. I have my college football games and my baseball to watch. I didn’t see too much of the Nebraska game but the parts I did see were ugly. UCLA came back after having a 21-3 deficit. Nebraska lost 41-21, much to my chagrin. They wore awful home jerseys so I am blaming the jerseys.

The flux in temperature this week has my back in agony. Between the thunderstorms and the drop in temp, I am hurting. It has been a long time since I have had back pain from the weather so I know this can’t be good. I really hate having back pain because it limits me more than my ankle pain. Right now it is just aching and I hope it stays that way. Last thing I need is for it to go out on me and me being really laid up.

Since my new laptop has been shipped back to Dell, I haven’t been playing my Facebook game too much. My old laptop just can’t handle the graphics to well and is very slow in trying to run. I am so bummed. I have played this game every day, couple times a day and to go from that to minimal play is killing me. I am so going to get behind on my missions. I still try to get the stuff I need from other players but they have new stuff and I know it is from new missions that I just can’t access right now. I am frustrated. My concentration has been kind of on the low side of things so I haven’t read anything in the Lincoln book in the last two weeks. I am up to page 566 and still have at least two hundred more pages to go to finish it. I just can’t bring myself to actually read and that is more frustrating to me than anything. I hate leaving a book in the middle.

I tried to watch the season finale of Bones today but after the baseball game, I was wiped and couldn’t sit anymore. I got restless and had to get up. I can only watch so much TV before I get bored. I really need a nap.

yahoo

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, blogging

At the risk of personal injury, I quickly booted up my laptop and copied my files then shut down the computer. there was no burning smell this time but I still can’t get the panel back on. I am glad I have my files back. I knew that I would not be able to sleep if I didn’t try. Guess this means that the hard drive isn’t the issue.

I have my book and uploaded 293 files to dropbox. It took an hour for it to upload. I am too tired to transfer the files to my portable hard drive. I will do that tomorrow.

Sox had a dramatic win in the Bronx so I am very happy 🙂 World series bound, I think so!!

pain and baseball

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, chronic physical pain, depression

Game time is in a half hour from now. I don’t know if I am going to watch it. I have been in a blah-exhausted mood all day. I didn’t sleep too well last night as I woke up at three in the morning. Researchers are now saying that this is how people in the 1800s slept. They would sleep and then be up for a few hours in the wee hours of the morning and then go back to sleep. I don’t see how this was as most people got up at the crack of dawn to do farm work. I am usually going to bed at the crack of dawn. That seems to be my norm lately.

My writing buddy has completed her 100 pages for her new manuscript for the month. I have been her coach. Made me think that I should have some writing goals to do in order to get my book done. I just don’t know if I can be held accountable for it though. So I am going to try and write at least two pages in my book a day and see where that gets me at the end of September. Thing is this is hard. Writing about my past is harder than I thought it would be.

Tonight my brother in law’s brother came over for dinner. We get along pretty well and he asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was writing a book and he asked what was the subject matter. I wanted to tell him about suicide attempts but my family was there and I didn’t want to divulge this information. I have told people I am writing a book but no one has really asked what it was about. So I told him it was about my depressions and hospitalizations, which is essentially true. I just didn’t feel comfortable telling anyone that it is about my suicide attempts. I am publishing the book under my pen name.

I guess I could listen to the game, even though it might put me to sleep. I am so damn tired. I had to take a couple of pain pills because I took a shower and my ankle got angry at me. I couldn’t take the pain anymore. I have decided that any pain above a 6 on a scale of 1-10 is going to be medicated. I usually just take a pill if my pain is above a 8 but by then it becomes impossible to control, sometimes. I never know when the pain is going to increase or decrease. Tonight, I just decided I wasn’t going to wait around. I have been going up and down the stairs today so I know my pain is going to increase sometime tonight. I don’t know why I feel I have to justify taking my meds. It should be easy right? You are in pain so you take something for it. But I have voices in my head that doesn’t want me to take any pills so I have them bantering me all the time. Even when I take my regular psych meds they are always interested. Why am I taking it, am I taking the right dose, etc. I can’t stand it when I am hounded all the time every time I crack open a pill bottle.

I am listening to the game. I always know when Adrian Gonzalez is up. He fricken has the cuckaracha music. Drives me insane, most of the intro music for the Dodgers has been awful. All Latin music, which I do not like. And this jackass just hit a home run. On another baseball note, I got followed today by a Toronto Blue Jay. That has to be weird as I am a Red Sox fan. I don’t know why these people will follow me, but oh well. Long as they don’t cause trouble I let them be.