Long Day

I woke up around 0630 today in pain, again. This is getting so old. I haven’t taken a nap all day because I have been on Lesterwatch. It is coming down to Jon Lester signing with the Cubs or the Sox. And looks like there will be another day of anxiety because he can’t come to a decision today. I am so annoyed and frustrated. I want a decision and I want one NOW. But it’s not for me to make. I really would like Lester to be back in a Sox uniform come spring training. I miss him. But if he chooses to be in another uniform, I will be crushed, again.

I had a good session with my therapist today. We didn’t get anywhere with her anxiety problem but we are working on maybe using a code word when I sense she is getting tense to let her know. She really like my last blog post about how I handled the blog commenter. I didn’t know if I made sense as I was writing it while I was sleep deprived. Seems my best writing happens when I am in a sleep deprived state. Go figure. We also talked briefly about my father and his surgery. Then we talked about my pain levels. Told her my back is still out of commission. I just brushed my teeth and by the time I was done in the few minutes it took, while standing, my back spazzed big time. I don’t know what I am going to do. I am supposed to “babysit” my father tomorrow but I don’t know how that is going to go down. This sucks so bad. I can’t be living off Ativan. Maybe I should go to the docs and see what they have to say. Though I KNOW they are just going to just send me to physical therapy, as if that is the cure all for everything. I just have to wait till my appointment on the 22nd. I just hope I can last that long. I am really surprised my back has been out for so long. It has been three weeks now. And I was seeing some improvement until this weekend when I woke up with right hip pain.

The thing about my back pain is that it isn’t radiating down my legs or anything to indicate that it is more than a muscle pull. I know those take time to heal. I have been doing little PT exercises but they have been tough to do with the amount of pain I have been experiencing. In the morning, I can barely turn over to take some meds but once I do, I am fine. I just wish the spasms would stop.

Tomorrow, I have to deal with my father and I am not looking forward to it. But I have to because both my sisters have to work. I just hope that I don’t have to do his fucking laundry or cook him a meal. I just am not up for that. I definitely will be saying to laundry as I can’t be lifting anything with my back being the way it is.

My crazy cousin called me tonight. We chatted about things and about our stresses in life. He says he is doing ok and he sounds ok. I think he wanted to know the scoop about my father more than talk with me. We talked about how our mothers are driving us crazy, though to be fair, his mother is a piece of work. Very needy and attention seeking all the time, and always has to made first. I remember one time I wore a Red Sox hat that had 1937 on it for whatever year the hat design was. She thought I was wearing it to commemorate her birth year. Yeah right. I could care less. I can’t stand that woman and go out of my way to avoid her as much as possible. I don’t need her negativity in my life.

It was and is a really shitty day today so I didn’t go out, again, to get my prescription. Luckily, I am not completely out of it yet. I will be soon, if I don’t get off my ass. I think I will get it tomorrow after I finish with my father. I shouldn’t be there all day. I will just be spending a few hours with him. I will bring my book with me so I can read while he watches TV or lies down or does whatever suits him.

any thoughts?

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