Feeling really tired
I had a good sleep but after breakfast, I went back to sleep because I was feeling really tired. When I woke up, I decided to make some coffee and now feel like I can go back to sleep. I don’t know why I am so exhausted. I haven’t done anything except retweet some zero suicide tweets today. There is some convention going on in Atlanta about this. I don’t necessarily agree with this movement because I feel people should be able to make a decision about their lives the way they should but if they are asking for help, I believe the providers should do all they can to help them. Like any provider should. For the first time, this movement has received funding so we’ll see how it plays out. It’s the people that are suicidal that don’t reach out I worry most about. Or who reach out after they have attempted. But I understand. Sometimes you have to do drastic measures to be believed there is something wrong. I was a straight A student, well liked. I didn’t think anyone would believe that I had problems at home. I was adjusting well in school. I didn’t make problems, yet I desperately wanted to kill myself. I felt like if I talked to someone about my problems, no one would believe me. So one night when my father flipped out for the hundredth time in as many days, I tried taking my life. When a good friend at school noticed the marks on my wrist, she told a teacher. That teacher talked with me and I was extremely nervous. Bottom line was she took me to the nurse and I got the help I needed. I didn’t want it at first, but the school nurse helped me to see that I needed to talk with someone. It wasn’t easy reaching out for help when I had so many things at home stacked against me. So I can see someone who is in need, not wanting to seek help for fear of being turned down.
I tried to get an appointment with my therapist today but she doesn’t have any openings unless someone cancels. Oh well. I guess I will be okay until tomorrow. I was talking with a fellow blog reader and it helped to vent to her about what has been going on. Though she seems to think I will be needing the hospital and I don’t know why that is. I guess I will have to read over my blogs and figure it out. I don’t always remember what I write about.
It’s a cool day today, the first time in weeks that it’s been below 70. I should take advantage and mail the letter that I need to mail. But I can do it tomorrow. I really don’t feel like getting dressed for a piece of mail. Besides, with the zaps that I had last night, my foot is still sore. I had taken some pain meds this morning because the pain was really bad. I guess that could explain why I feel so tired. It’s weird that during the day I feel tired from them, but at night, I don’t.
I had some more pages from my book read. It’s almost a 1000 pages for this Kindle shared thingy. I guess people might read a few pages and then decide if they want to continue it or not? I am not sure how it works. There is a little blurb about it on the reports page but it all gibberish to me. I don’t understand it. But I did have six books sold via Kindle. It’s the most sales I have had in a while. I also had four paperbacks sold. So I am very pleased. It was totally unexpected that the NYT would say that I was an author. I just wish I could have finished my other book that I have in the works but it’s slow going. I really want the book to be at least 200 pages but I am not even a quarter of the way there yet. I know I will get there, I am just waiting for the writing itch to start up again.
Wow, I made the coffee stronger than I thought it would be. I am hyped up now, ready for anything. Just wish my foot felt that way. Would be nice to go for a walk. I just wish my neighborhood wasn’t so hilly. It really takes it out of you when your foot/ankle is not 100%. It would be easier to walk on flat surfaces like the next town over but I would have to take the bus and train to get there and I know my coffee high would wear off by then. I hope I get paid this month from my LTD insurance. It would be nice to have one more payment from them so I can get caught up in a few more bills.
midnightdemons7 